Some people think that having a set retirement age (eg. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that a certain workders deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

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there
is
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are
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debates on
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retirement
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the retirement
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age
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, some
indivisuals
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individuals
belive
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believe
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a set
retirment
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retirement
age
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is a good resultion and others
belive
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believe
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that having a set
retirment
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retirement
age
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is not the right answer. I
persenally
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personally
think the
retirement
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age
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should be
diffrent
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different
considering each
indivisuals
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individual
individuals
occupation. In my opinion,
haveing
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having
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a set
retirement
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age
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will only
work
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for certain jobs
such
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as doctors or office
workers
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,
meanwhile
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meanwhile,
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it's not suitable for more demanding jobs that are in harsh environments or deal a lot of physical damage to
workers
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such
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as blacksmiths and army soldiers.
for
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example
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example,
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if we were to put a clerk next to a miner we can see
the
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that
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due to
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health issues problems
such
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as lung disease the miner needs an earlier
retirement
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than the clerk who's
job
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is without significant health risks. Other than that, earlier
retirment
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retirement
age
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has its own social benefits. Having an earlier
retierment
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retirement
age
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means more
job
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opportunities for younger generations. In some world three
contries
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countries
the
unemploed
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unemployed
rate is high and there is no
job
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offers
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offer
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for young
workers
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due to
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the
retierment
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retirement
age
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being so high.
young
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Young
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workers
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whom
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who
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are eager to
work
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and gain experience
dont
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don't
get to
work
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because the older people are still occupying the
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job
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jobs
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they had since 20 years ago. so by bringing
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retirement
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the retirement
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age
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lower
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lower,
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we can open up
job
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opportunities for younger
indivisuals
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individuals
. In conclusion,
eventhough
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even though
having a set
retirement
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age
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might
work
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for some
workers
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but
its
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is
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not
alway
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always
the best solution.
Retirement
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age
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should vary depending on
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workers
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workers'
worker's
show examples
jobs and how hard they are.

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Language
Ensure correct spelling for all words, such as 'individuals', 'belief', 'resolution', 'personally', 'damaging', 'retirement', 'benefits', and 'unemployed'. This will enhance the clarity of your ideas.
Language
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively and clearly. This will help in conveying your points with more nuance.
Structure
Try to vary your sentence structures. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences will enhance the flow of your writing.
Content
You provide a clear viewpoint on the topic, stating that retirement age should vary based on occupation, which demonstrates a good understanding of the issue.
Content
Your essay includes specific examples to illustrate your points, like comparing clerks and miners, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • unfair
  • pension
  • occupational demands
  • physically demanding jobs
  • early retirement
  • health issues
  • stress and burnout
  • economy
  • job opportunities
  • age-related health decline
  • workforce
  • labor market
  • employment policies
  • social equity
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