IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Prison is an effective punishment for people who break the law. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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There is a view that Police officers must punish or imprison those who violate the jail
rules
Use synonyms
.
While
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 some people oppose
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 notion, arguing that punishment doesn’t
effective punishment
Replace the word
effectively punish
show examples
 them, I strongly believe that the police officers
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
better penalize and results for them. On the one hand, there are several instances of punishment society
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 will break jail systems.
Firstly
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, when prisoners
motivates
Wrong verb form
are motivated
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, they will have the desire to break
Use synonyms
rules
Correct article usage
the rules
show examples
task
Verb problem
apply
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every day.
As a result
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, they can create discipline for themselves.
For instance
Linking Words
, even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
break
bastille
Capitalize word
Bastille
show examples
 laws or from the Border will come out, immediately must be punished immediately so that other
community
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communities
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 in confinement don’t repeat
this
Linking Words
 act.
Also
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 breaking penitentiary
rules
Use synonyms
 can result in penalties like losing privileges
such
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 as commissary access, visitation, phone calls, and even cell TV. Penalties for rule violations can
also
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 include additional time in
bastille
Capitalize word
Bastille
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, solitary confinement, and restrictions on work assignments.
On the other hand
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, there are several exceptions to confinement being an effective amercement for bourgeois who break the law, It cannot only be
a
Correct article usage
an
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 abuse but
also
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 have an impact on the community,
such
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 as escape from lockup and
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
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 on the public. Breaking
rules
Use synonyms
 in jail is the biggest issue for police officers they have to deal with abuse.
Additionally
Linking Words
, when they are in discipline they will not repeat that activity,
As a result
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 there They will take care not to repeat the same story. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 giving simple beating offers several benefits, I believe that focusing on putting them back in
penitentiary
Add an article
the penitentiary
a penitentiary
show examples
 and with more terrible penalize, because it fosters development and tangible results.

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task achievement
Expand on the introduction to clearly state your position and outline the main points you will discuss. This will provide a clear roadmap for your reader.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to introduce each paragraph and maintain a logical flow of ideas. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or real-world cases to support your arguments, especially when discussing the consequences of rule violations in prison.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid overly complex sentence structures that can confuse the reader. Aim for clarity to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You show a strong opinion regarding the effectiveness of prison as a punishment, which is an essential aspect of task response.
task achievement
You attempt to present both sides of the argument, which is a good strategy to demonstrate critical thinking.
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