IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Studies suggest that the rise in the consumption of junk foods is the major cause of obesity. Some people argue that this problem can be tackled to a great extent by increasing the price of these food items. Do you agree or disagree?

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some
peoplel
Correct your spelling
people
 believe increasing the price of junk food could tackle the cause
od
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 obesity. I completely agree with the
argue
Replace the word
argument
show examples
. obesity is one of the biggest
stuggle
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struggle
struggles
aroud
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around
 the world. it could
case
Correct your spelling
cause
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 heart attacks and
blood
Correct word choice
high blood
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 pressure which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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icrease
Correct your spelling
increases
 the rate of
dath
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death
data
.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
 it
effects
Replace the word
affects
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 the children they
stuggle
Correct your spelling
struggle
 to run and play like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
normal
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 which is sad. here
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the three reasons why I agree higher
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 may discourage frequent purchases and encourage healthier eating habits.

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task achievement
Ensure to define key terms clearly. For example, clarify what you mean by 'junk food' and provide some examples. This helps the reader understand your viewpoint better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check spelling and grammar. For instance, 'struggle' should be 'struggles,' and 'around' should be 'around.'
task achievement
Try to provide more developed reasons and examples to support your argument. Instead of just stating reasons, elaborate on why they are important or how they might lead to a decrease in obesity rates.
task achievement
You express a clear opinion that is easy to understand - your agreement with the idea of increasing the price of junk food.
task achievement
Your point about the effects of obesity on children is significant and shows good awareness of societal issues.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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