IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars or riding motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With an unprecedented increase in car ownership in recent years, ensuring
road
Use synonyms
 safety has become a top priority for many relevant government authorities. Among many measures suggested is raising the minimum
age
Use synonyms
 at which
people
Use synonyms
 should be permitted to drive a car or ride motorbikes.
While
Linking Words
 the
Use synonyms
driver
Change noun form
driver's
show examples
 immaturity can occasionally contribute to accidents, I do not think it is the primary cause.
Therefore
Linking Words
, alternative and more effective solutions should be considered. Without background sentence: There is a view that the minimum
age
Use synonyms
 at which
people
Use synonyms
 should be permitted to drive a car or ride motorbikes should be raised.
While
Linking Words
 the
Use synonyms
driver
Change noun form
driver's
show examples
 immaturity can occasionally contribute to accidents, I do not think it is the primary cause.
Therefore
Linking Words
, alternative and more effective solutions should be cons. The combination of youth and inexperience,
however
Linking Words
, can prove fatal on the roads. Their youth can make drivers more prone to risky
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as dangerous overtaking or speeding,
while
Linking Words
 their inexperience often reduces their ability to
spotpotential
Correct your spelling
spot potential
 hazards. Personality traits that are typical of young
people
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 be taken into account. Impulsiveness and sensation-seeking are pertinent examples of
such
Linking Words
 characteristics that make
people
Use synonyms
susceptibleto
Correct your spelling
susceptible to
 driving errors or violation of traffic rules, putting themselves, their passengers and pedestrians at risk. So, increasing the minimum
age
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 operating a vehicle could enhance
road
Use synonyms
 safety by giving time for prospective drivers to mature. These arguments notwithstanding, it should be noted that a lack of
driver
Use synonyms
 maturity accounts for only a minor share of
road
Use synonyms
 accidents, highlighting the need for other more effective approaches to address the issue. One
such
Linking Words
 measure would be to invest in advanced pedestrian protection in vehicles, with the pedestrian detection systems potentially offering the greatest benefit.
Such
Linking Words
 systems employ sensors, cameras, and radar to identify pedestrians in the vehicle’s path. If the collision is imminent the system can trigger automatic brakes or warn the
driver
Use synonyms
 to take evasive action. Another measure, one that can
further
Linking Words
 reinforce the former, is to improve
road
Use synonyms
 infrastructure.
This
Linking Words
 can involve the installation of better pedestrian crossings, pedestrian detection signals at intersections, and well-designed urban planning to create safer walking environments.
Such
Linking Words
 changes to urban designs and roads are especially crucial in high-risk areas,
such
Linking Words
 as near schools and other densely populated locations. In conclusion, raising the minimum driving
age
Use synonyms
 may bring potential benefits, yet it is by no means the most effective approach.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of exploring other measures to ensure
road
Use synonyms
 safety,
such
Linking Words
 as investing in advanced protection features on roads and improved
road
Use synonyms
 infrastructure.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Consider adding a background statement in the introduction to explain the context of the issue more clearly. This will help to establish a strong foundation for your arguments.
Task Achievement
Ensure that all your points are fully explained and supported with examples. While you do a good job, some areas could benefit from additional elaboration for clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for minor spelling errors and punctuation, such as 'spotpotential' and 'susceptibleto', to enhance the overall readability.
Task Achievement
You have presented a clear position on the topic, which is essential for task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that develop key ideas, and a well-summarized conclusion.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • minimum legal age
  • increase road safety
  • maturity
  • rash decision-making
  • cognitive functions
  • risky behavior
  • traffic congestion
  • urban areas
  • core issues
  • proper training
  • adherence to traffic rules
  • road conditions
  • vehicle maintenance
  • stricter driving tests
  • enhancing road safety
What to do next:
Look at other essays: