IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people join distance-learning program and study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefit as attending colleges or universities does. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is becoming increasingly common for parents to opt
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 distance-learning
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 and study at home, which is called
homeschool
Wrong verb form
homeschooling
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 method of teaching could bring some advantages,
Linking Words
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
 there are
also
Linking Words
 some disadvantages. I believe studying at home is not the right choice to make grown a
child
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the correct way to learn is to emulate what
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
Use synonyms
 do, and
therefore
Linking Words
 if a
child
Use synonyms
 has only the figure of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
show examples
 parents, it is
slight
Change the adjective
slightly
show examples
 impossible to learn a
disverity
Correct your spelling
variety
 of things.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is important for a
child
Use synonyms
 to have a social life, because humans are social animals;
for example
Linking Words
 there
a
Add a missing verb
are a
show examples
lot of
people
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 live alone but they need
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
contact with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
, they need to interact a have a chat with
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are not the family. So,
also
Linking Words
 children need some of their age to confront or only to have a talk.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, studying away from normal school could have benefits. They can cover
a larger curricula
Correct the article-noun agreement
a larger curriculum
larger curricula
show examples
 during a year.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 they can choose what they want to study every year,
therefore
Linking Words
 they have more freedom in what they have to learn. Precisely for
this
Linking Words
, the hours of learning are chosen by parents, they listen to the needs of their children.
To sum up
Linking Words
, homeschooling couldn't have benefits for young
people
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 social problems that could occur later on.
Moreover
Linking Words
, not only studying from home
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
,
also
Linking Words
 studying at school could
be
Rephrase
also be
show examples
 a problem, because most of the
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 doesn't hear what the
child
Use synonyms
 needs.

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task achievement
Clarify your main stance in the introduction. It's important to state your position clearly at the beginning so that readers know your viewpoint from the outset.
coherence and cohesion
Try to group related points logically in your paragraphs. For example, the point about social interaction can be further elaborated or supported with examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Consider including more specific examples or evidence to support your claims. For instance, mentioning a study or survey about the effects of homeschooling on social skills would enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy. There are a few instances of awkward phrasing and minor errors that can detract from the overall clarity of your writing.
content
You've raised thoughtful points about both the advantages and disadvantages of homeschooling, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay flows well overall, and there is a clear progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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