IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that being born into a poor country is bad luck while others believe that it only helps fuel one's aspiration to asucceed. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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A group of individuals believe that being born
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 an unprivileged nation is negative luck
while
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 many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that it only
promote
Change the verb form
promotes
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 one’s goal to fulfil. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 living in a remote area develops many aspects
in
Change preposition
of
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life
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand,
people
Use synonyms
 live in a suburban area, which helps to improve many things. One of the notable
advantage
Change to a plural noun
advantages
show examples
is understand
Change the verb form
is understanding
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 the value of
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, find joy in minute things
also
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 prioritise little things
instead
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 of materialistic products.
Secondly
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, consider education as a
Use synonyms
life changing
Add a hyphen
life-changing
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 matter and focus on education.
Also
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,
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
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 self-esteem like they have the mentality to pursue achievement through hard work.
Moreover
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, these
people
Use synonyms
 nurture a strong connection between family and save money to protect them. If they get
wage
Add an article
a wage
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, they are
deposite
Correct your spelling
deposited
depositing
 money for family needs rather than investing
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
self
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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.
Therefore
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 born in a poor country is not
a
Correct article usage
apply
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bad luck.
On the other hand
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who are born
poor
Change preposition
in poor
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city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 drawbacks. Mainly,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of educational opportunities.
For instance
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, many students have significant academic
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
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 but they did not get an opportunity to foster study. Because of the lack of cash.
Also
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, nowadays, wealthy students give money to authorities for admission criteria without
considered
Wrong verb form
considering
show examples
 grades.
Moreover
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, medicine is another factor especially
new born
Correct your spelling
newborn
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 babies and older
people
Use synonyms
. They did not get a
well facilitated
Add a hyphen
well-facilitated
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 treatment. So it
maximise
Change the verb form
maximises
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 the death rate.
Finally
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,
such
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 ‘
so called
Add a hyphen
so-called
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’ countries do not offer job opportunities.
Therefore
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, individuals migrate
to
Change preposition
apply
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abroad and start a new
life
Use synonyms
 there. It
also
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 reduces the population rate in a specific nation.
To conclude
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, being born
in to
Join the words
into
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 a poor country is not
a bad luck
Remove the article
bad luck
a bit of bad luck
a stroke of bad luck
a piece of bad luck
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. If they have good and positive
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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.
Otherwise
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, many drawbacks are found.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas by using clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensuring that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by examples.
task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the points that will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Use more specific and relevant examples to illustrate your points effectively.
task achievement
You express a personal opinion, which is important in task response.
task achievement
You attempt to address both views, showing an understanding of the topic.
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