Some parents are worried bout the increasing level if violence on TV, video games and other types of entertainment for children’s leisure. How does this affect children? How do you think problem can be tackled?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Tecnology

Correct your spelling

Technology

impacts

detrimental

Change the adjective

detrimentally

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

growing one's

thesedays

Correct your spelling

these days

.few of procreators are surviving

this

Linking Words

causes as brutality

telecaste

Correct your spelling

telecast

telecasted

telivision

Correct your spelling

television

,games or

other kind

Change the wording

another kind

other kinds

show examples

of relaxation

sourses

Correct your spelling

sources

courses

which they use to do in

spare

Correct pronoun usage

their spare

show examples

time.It is a really serious problem ,

however

Linking Words

mitigate

Change the verb form

mitigates

show examples

this

Linking Words

with some

solutions

Use synonyms

. To commence with,

number

Change the article

a number

the number

show examples

of causes are here for

this

Linking Words

roughness scene on telecasting which are impacting

bad

Change the adjective

badly

show examples

on children.To

illustrates

Correct subject-verb agreement

illustrate

show examples

plethora

Add an article

a plethora

the plethora

show examples

Correct your spelling

show examples

channels

telecaste

Correct your spelling

telecast

telecasted

harsh gaming fighting ,

additionally

Linking Words

that influences younger

one

Correct pronoun usage

ones

show examples

to do

these kind

Change the determiner

this kind

these kinds

show examples

of gaming screaming .

For example

Linking Words

recent

Add an article

a recent

show examples

survey conducted by a

renowed

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

newspaper

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

state

Change the verb form

states

show examples

that crime in cyber

inhance

Correct your spelling

increases

due to

Linking Words

increasing

tecnology

Correct your spelling

technology

Change preposition

For

show examples

ther

Correct your spelling

these

reasons, lack of

phsycal

Correct your spelling

physical

activities

Linking Words

also

Add a missing verb

is also

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

major concern as growing ones spend their leisure time on gadgets

instead

Linking Words

of outdoor activities which impacts

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their intellectual ability ,

moreover

Linking Words

they

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

lack interest

Change preposition

show examples

their academics .

Hence

Linking Words

,every

parentalhood

Correct your spelling

parenthood

parental hood

are in worried now . Probing ahead, there are numerous

Change preposition

apply

show examples

solutions

Use synonyms

grab

Verb problem

address

show examples

this

Linking Words

grave concern .Periorly,guardians ought to set their

love

Replace the word

loved

show examples

ones

Change noun form

ones'

one's

show examples

schedules .To explain more,interaction on

Correct your spelling

show examples

screentime

Correct your spelling

screen time

show examples

should be limited which might

be help

Change the verb form

help

show examples

them to focus on

others

Correct quantifier usage

other

show examples

better things rather

Linking Words

then

Correct your spelling

than

show examples

screeing

Correct your spelling

screening

show examples

Other

Correct quantifier usage

Another

show examples

solution,

Add a missing verb

is authority

show examples

authority

Fix the agreement mistake

authorities

show examples

have to

banned

Change the verb

ban

show examples

the programme which

encourage

Change the verb form

encourages

show examples

voilence

Correct your spelling

violence

and

affecting

Wrong verb form

affects

show examples

worse

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people especially kids or growing generations

this

Linking Words

will

definately

Correct your spelling

definitely

works.

For instance

Linking Words

Change preposition

apply

show examples

The

Canada

Replace the word

Canadian

show examples

govermnment

Correct your spelling

government

set age

creteria

Correct your spelling

criteria

on every gaming

sites

Fix the agreement mistake

site

show examples

Thus

Linking Words

,following these steps helps to tackle

this

Linking Words

concern. To put

Correct pronoun usage

it in

show examples

a nutshell, every problem has

solutions

Use synonyms

just

need

Correct subject-verb agreement

needs

show examples

to find the right one

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

tecnology

Correct your spelling

technology

has ample

Change preposition

apply

show examples

merits ,

Linking Words

however

Add a comma

however,

show examples

also

Linking Words

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

bad

affects

Replace the word

effects

show examples

Nevertheless

Linking Words

,following the great

Use synonyms

solutions

Add a comma

solutions,

show examples

every problem will be handled

Change preposition

apply

show examples

smothly

Correct your spelling

smoothly

kajolarora2013Sat Apr 12 2025

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion

Improve sentence structure and grammar for better readability. For example, consider revising phrases like 'impact detrimental on growing one's thesedays' for clarity.

task achievement

Use clearer expressions and vocabulary to convey your ideas effectively. Some phrases were unclear or incorrect, such as 'telecaste harsh gaming fighting'. Consider simpler and more precise language.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples and statistics to strengthen your arguments. You mentioned a survey but did not elaborate on its findings or implications.

coherence and cohesion

Reorganize paragraphs to ensure a more logical flow of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is supported with relevant content.

task achievement

You addressed the prompt by discussing the impact of violence in media on children, as well as proposing possible solutions.

task achievement

Your essay presents a clear opinion regarding the concerns of parents about the content of entertainment for children.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
68
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

274 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Some people think that success in life comes from hard working and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Many individuals believe that life success is affected by hard work and emphasis whereas there are many oppositions admit other factors like finance and outlooks play a more crucial role. This writing will discuss both views and prove that the former factors are more reasonable, thanks to the priority of real life.
8
band
Write a letter to your friend who is interested in learning how to drive. In your letter ● say why a driving license is advantageous ● recommend a driving school ● give any extra guidance /tips Begin your letter as follows: Dear ___________,
I thought I'd write to you, try to convince you to finally get a diving license and also suggest a great instructor I know.
6.5
band
In the future it may be necessary for us to live on other planets. For this reason, some people believe that we should spend money now researching planets that could be a possible home, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the modern era, owing to advanced technology, scientists are able to research any topic. It is argued by some people that investing money in researching new planets like Mars would be a great idea as ,in the future, there could be a chance to make home to other planets. However, I completely disagree with the given statement and will justify my reasons in the upcoming paragraphs.
8
band
During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. Write a letter to this businessman. In your letter, remind him when and where you met tell him what kind of job you are interested in say why you think you would be suitable for the job
Hope this letter finds you in the pink of your health. I am penning this letter to remind you about our first meeting during the journey to Goa in May 2023. Also, I would like to ask you about the job in your restaurant located near GMS College in Pune.
7.5
band
n numerous nations, there is a growing trend for individuals to frequently discuss financial matters, such as their earnings or expenditures, in everyday conversation. What are the reasons behind this phenomenon? Is it advantageous or detrimental?
There is an increasing tendency for individuals in the modern world to openly discuss their finances in daily conversation. In my opinion, this is a result of a general lack of self-awareness and is decidedly negative given the opportunity cost it engenders.

Some parents are worried bout the increasing level if violence on TV, video games and other types of entertainment for children’s leisure. How does this affect children? How do you think problem can be tackled?

Your opinion

Some people think that success in life comes from hard working and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Write a letter to your friend who is interested in learning how to drive. In your letter ● say why a driving license is advantageous ● recommend a driving school ● give any extra guidance /tips Begin your letter as follows: Dear ___________,

In the future it may be necessary for us to live on other planets. For this reason, some people believe that we should spend money now researching planets that could be a possible home, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

n numerous nations, there is a growing trend for individuals to frequently discuss financial matters, such as their earnings or expenditures, in everyday conversation. What are the reasons behind this phenomenon? Is it advantageous or detrimental?