IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed when they are used as money-making machines aimed at tourists, other people believe that it is the only way to save such traditions in the world today. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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Some people believe that spending government funds on the cultural industry is unnecessary
,
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apply
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 and that public
services
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 should be prioritised
instead
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. I strongly agree with
this
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 view because public
services
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 are essential for everyone and promote greater equality.
Firstly
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, not all citizens benefit equally from the arts.
While
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 some individuals enjoy going to museums or theatres, others may have little interest in them.
However
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, everyone is required to pay taxes that support these cultural facilities, even if they never use them.
This
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 could lead to a sense of unfairness, especially among low-income families who might prefer investments in more practical areas.
In contrast
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, public
services
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such
Linking Words
 as healthcare, education, and transportation affect all people directly.
For example
Linking Words
, improving hospitals or building safer roads can benefit entire communities. These
services
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 meet basic human needs and ensure that everyone, regardless of income or background, can live with dignity. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 arts and culture are valuable in society, I believe the government should focus on public
services
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 first. These investments provide practical support, promote equality, and improve people’s quality of life.

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task achievement
Consider integrating more specific examples related to how spending on public services directly benefits communities. This would strengthen your argument and provide clarity.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, try using more linking expressions to better connect your ideas between paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines your argument, which sets a solid foundation for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
You've presented your arguments logically, with a clear distinction between the cultural industry and public services.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural commodification
  • Authenticity
  • Economic gain
  • Cultural significance
  • Preservation
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Financial resources
  • Cultural heritage
  • Cultural pride
  • Tourist interest
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