IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples

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In many countries today,
people
Use synonyms
 are now living longer than ever before.
While
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 some believe that
governments
Use synonyms
 significantly suffer from
Add an article
an aging
the aging
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aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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 population. Others claim that the advantages of their existence outweigh the disadvantages.
This
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 essay will discuss
this
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 issue and clarify both perspectives with supportive examples. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
governments
Use synonyms
 are affected by the increase
of
Change preposition
in
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 elderly
people
Use synonyms
 percentage.
Firstly
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, elderly
people
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 need health care more than younger age. We know that when
people
Use synonyms
 get older more chronic diseases appear
such
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 as
:
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apply
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 high blood pressure, high sugar levels, low
hemoglobin
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haemoglobin
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 and
generally
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general
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 health issues, which require from government to prepare a lot of medicines and lab tests for them, which can be financially challenging for any country.
Secondly
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, usually elderly
people
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 live alone which
making
Wrong verb form
makes
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 them
as
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apply
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a target
to
Change preposition
for
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 thieves.
On the other hand
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 see the great advantages that
aging
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ageing
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 add to society.
Governments
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 can create flexible job opportunities suited to their abilities
for example
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 painting and security for malls or monitoring security TVs.
Furthermore
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, parents often rely on them to help care for
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
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. The advice from grandparents to grandchildren especially, teenager has positively affected their behaviour.
Also
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, some of the historical days or events can only be recalled or remembered by them. In conclusion,
Governments
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 put a lot of effort
to mitigate
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into mitigating
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 the impact of increasing the percentage of elderly
people
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 and facilitating many of their resources to assist them to live happily and
get
Verb problem
apply
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benefit from their wisdom and experience. We should all be thankful to them for their support as parents.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing a clearer overview of the main points you will discuss in your essay in the introduction. It helps set expectations for the reader.
task achievement
When presenting arguments, ensure to develop them more fully with examples and elaboration. Some points feel a bit underdeveloped.
coherence and cohesion
Make a clearer distinction between your two perspectives. Label them as 'advantages' and 'disadvantages' in the body paragraphs to enhance clarity.
task achievement
You have clearly articulated the two perspectives on the ageing population issue, which is essential for addressing the task.
task achievement
Your essay concludes with a thoughtful reflection on the value of the elderly, capturing an important sentiment that resonates with many readers.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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