IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is it the case? What can be done to a8ract local people to visit these places?

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Nowadays,tourists more
visit
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many
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apply
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museums and historical
places
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 than local
people
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.
While
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 locals know them, they are attracted to tourists because of
unkown
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unknown
 aspects of
this
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 culture.
This
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 essay will examine the causes behind
this
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 trend and suggest practical solutions
such
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 as discounting to encourage local
people
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 to
visit
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. In favour of the first view,many local
people
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 are already familiar with their own history and culture,
thefore
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therefore
 they do not feel the urge to
visit
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 there.
In contrast
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,
tourist
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tourists
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 are interested in exploring historical
places
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 as they find them fascinating. Another reason is that entrance fees are expensive because tourism is one of the incoming fields of
country
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the country
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.Local
people
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 do not
need
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need to
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 engage there,
due to
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 suffering from money.
Moreover
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, these sites are often promoted as tourist
attacfions
Correct your spelling
attractions
,leading locals to perceive them mainly for foreigns.
This
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 perspective reduces local's motivation to explore
own
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their own
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 cultural
places
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. To encourage more local
people
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 to
visit
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 museums and historical sites, several effective measures can be taken. One possible solution is to offer discounted or free entry for residents.
Additionally
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,
hools
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schools
 and universities can
also
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 play a key role by incorporating educational visits, helping young
people
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 develop an interest
for
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in
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 their cultural heritage.
Furthermore
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 promoting these sites through local media and social platforms can reshape public perception and highlight their relevance to the local community. In conclusion, museums and historical
places
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 might be uninteresting for residents owing to high entry costs
as well as
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 local
people
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 have already
recognizied
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recognised
 them.The measures
such
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 as decreasing
enty
Correct your spelling
entry
 costs or promoting via social media
,
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apply
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 may
effect
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affect
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on
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apply
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changing their interests.

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coherence
Clarify the relationship between the two sentences in the introduction. The main idea could be restated more clearly.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph clearly relates back to the thesis statement. Some ideas seem to be under-explained, particularly in the body paragraphs.
cohesion
Adjust the phrasing to use more precise vocabulary. For example, instead of 'thefore' use 'therefore,' and 'unkown' should be 'unknown.'
task achievement
Mention specific examples of museums or local sites to strengthen your arguments and make your essay more engaging.
task achievement
Provide a more robust conclusion. It could summarize key points more effectively and provide a call to action or a broader implication of your suggestions.
content
The essay addresses the prompt well, identifying reasons for the trend and suggesting practical solutions.
structure
There is a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, helping the reader to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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