IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think advertising may have positive economic effects. Others think it has negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Advertisements
Use synonyms
 are controversial among the public. Some
people
Use synonyms
 consider that advertising is beneficial for the growth of
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opponents believe that
advertisements
Use synonyms
 shape
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public opinion and encourage toxic
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
. Advertisement is a vital component in
marketing
Add an article
the marketing
show examples
 of a
product
Use synonyms
. Many
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy watching
advertisements
Use synonyms
 because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 often
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 attractive features and representations. The experience of watching
advertisements
Use synonyms
 will result in stimulating audiences’ desire to purchase the
product
Use synonyms
. Boosting consumption of the commodity will create demand in the market and maintain a healthy economy. Meanwhile,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 are
associate
Wrong verb form
associated
show examples
 with various job positions. As the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 rises, the supply end may require more workers to participate in the production lines.
Then
Linking Words
, companies may need to hire more staff
for promoting
Change preposition
to promote
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 and
managing
Wrong verb form
manage
show examples
customers
Fix the agreement mistake
customer
show examples
 services. Undoubtedly,
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
also
Linking Words
brought
Verb problem
had
show examples
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact on
people
Use synonyms
. One of the drawbacks is
people
Use synonyms
 are feeling more insecure about their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
due to
Linking Words
constantly
Change the adverb
constant
show examples
 exposure to flawless figures in the many commercial posters and videos, especially for teenagers. The companies behind
advertisements
Use synonyms
 try to manipulate
people
Use synonyms
’s views
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their own
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
. Using
this
Linking Words
 strategy to encourage panic purchase of the
product
Use synonyms
 without truly considering whether they need it. At the same time, some luxury brands link their
products
Use synonyms
 to success in society.
People
Use synonyms
 with luxury
products
Use synonyms
to be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 considered
Add an article
a success
show examples
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
, whilst
people
Use synonyms
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not have the
product
Use synonyms
 will be deemed
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unsuccessful. The standard of societal success has been limited to whether
people
Use synonyms
 have the commodity. In summary, despite the fact that
advertisements
Use synonyms
 are necessary for brands and economic growth, the values that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been delivered by the advertising should be watched and criticised by the public. My opinion is that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should regulate the representation of advertising to reduce misleading and exaggerated information.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify your position in the introduction, making sure to state which side you lean towards.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, ensuring a smoother transition of ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or case studies to support your arguments, particularly in the main body.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure grammatical accuracy and correct use of vocabulary to improve clarity.
task achievement
The essay clearly discusses both views on the impact of advertising and provides relevant points to support each perspective.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, presenting a balanced view of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: