IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, people are forced to retire when they reach a certain age. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In many countries, there is a specific
age
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
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 which
people
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 are obliged to retire.
This
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 has different benefits,
such
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 as gaining more time for the family.
However
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, there are
also
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 disadvantages, because older workers have sometimes important knowledge and without
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
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, they can be lost. When we reach a certain
age
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,
the
Change the word
our
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 physical strength is not the same as
we
Rephrase
when we
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 started to work. In
this
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 case, it is fair that
people
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 are forced to retire, not only for the company
,
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apply
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 but mainly for their physical health.
Moreover
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, some workers are looking forward to
finally
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 retiring from their job positions, to gain time for their family or do what they were not able to do in the past, like travelling or gardening. Despite
this
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, losing an expert worker can often be a drawback for a company or an office. They know every skill of the job, and they are required to transfer their knowledge to a new entry,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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without them, it is possible to lose wisdom inside the work environment. There are other reasons why forcing someone to retire is not always a good decision.
For example
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, many
people
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 reach the
age
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 of retirement without enough money, and they need to continue working to sustain their families.
Due to
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this
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, I firmly believe that everyone should freely decide for his/her future. None should be forced to retire
,
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apply
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 unless he/she no longer has the physical and mental capacity to work. In some countries, workers are obliged to retire when they reach a certain
age
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.
This
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 can be positive, to have more time for himself and for the family, but sometimes it can be a problem for the company and the family finances. In my opinion,
people
Use synonyms
 should decide when to retire.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument regarding the forced retirement age, but try to elaborate more on your main points for better clarity and depth.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to improve the flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your main points, as this adds depth to your argument.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of forced retirement.
coherence and cohesion
Your opinion is clear in the conclusion, which is crucial for a strong essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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