IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The plans below show information about a coal mine before and after redevelopment as a visitor attraction.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The two maps indicate how a coal mine has been redeveloped into a tourist attraction.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the site has undergone a significant overhaul to its pre-existing
infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
show examples
. The most noticeable change is the removal of the waste tips to make way for recreational facilities. Starting from the top left corner, it is obvious that the existing office space and changing room for mine employees is replaced by a brand new museum that takes up the entire building. To the right of the museum, the original entrance remains unchanged, being used as the entry for the visitors.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the director board at the centre of the plan was repurposed as a cafeteria.
In addition
Linking Words
 to the changes above, the number of car parking spaces is reduced, with only the one at the bottom left corner of the map remaining intact. The vehicle parking next to the old director board is demolished to make
rooms
Fix the agreement mistake
room
show examples
 for an additional lottery park.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the two gigantic waste tips on the right side of the map are completely removed, being taken over by a digging driving track, a picnic area
plus
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 a playground dedicated
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 children.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to include a brief overview of the key changes between the two maps at the beginning. This helps the reader understand the main points right away.
coherence
Try to group related information together. For example, the changes to the visitor facilities and the original mine structures could be discussed in the same paragraph for better flow.
coherence
Use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your points, such as 'Additionally' or 'In contrast'. This will improve the overall cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
You clearly identified the main changes from the coal mine to the visitor attraction, which shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence
The language used is clear and mostly accurate, allowing for easy comprehension.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: