IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.

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A part of college pupils take other subjects
besides
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 their own subjects,
while
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 others think spending all their time and attention to achieve a qualification through study is more important. In
this
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 essay, I will examine both sides and give my opinion. On the one hand, some
people
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 think studying other subjects
besides
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 their major is because
people
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 who have multiple talents can create more opportunities.
For example
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, media students are majoring in making videos and films,
as well as
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 they can study marketing as a side subject
,
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 because learning marketing skills can let videos be seen by more target audiences.
Besides
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,
due to
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 the quick development of societies,
people
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 can catch up with the newest trends by learning new stuff to combine with their own major, which can create more opportunities in the future.
On the other hand
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, other
people
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 believe focusing on one subject is more important
,
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 because they can learn more narrowly in one section to be an expert which can help them find innovative theories to benefit the world.
For instance
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, Elon Musk focus on developing artificial intelligence,
such
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 as automatic vehicles and robots, the tesla helps
people
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 drive more easily, and reduce air pollution by using electric power to replace fossil fuels. And robots can replace the receptivity works, and let
people
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 do more essential stuff. In conclusion, there are benefits on both sides, but I agree with the opinion that students learning about other studies is more important
,
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 because multiple skills can provide more chances in future.

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task achievement
Expand on your examples with more details and context to make your arguments stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to improve the logical flow of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with grammar and sentence structure; this will enhance the clarity of your writing.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view of the topic, discussing both sides before giving your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction appropriately outlines the essay's purpose, inviting the reader to explore the arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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