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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the number of international applicants from four countries that a European university had from 2004 and 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of international applicants from four countries that a European university had from 2004 and 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart illustrates the demand
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
European
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 from 2004 to 2008 by
.students
Correct your spelling
students
 from
Russia
Use synonyms
 ,
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
) .
Overall
Linking Words
 ,
During
Change preposition
From
show examples
 2004 to 2008 the top four countries are
China
Use synonyms
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
USA
Use synonyms
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
finally
Linking Words
Russia
Use synonyms
 . It is observed how
Use synonyms
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the highest
perecentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 in study abroad in 2004 and the number
starts
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 to reduce until the
lawest
Correct your spelling
lowest
 percentage in 2008 . In opposite to
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 which
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 with
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
perecentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
percentages
 and
grews
Correct your spelling
grew
grows
crews
 to the highest in 2008 . On the other side , both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Russia
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 have low numbers in studying abroad .
China
Use synonyms
's students received to highest applicants Close to 25000 demands and the number keep in reduce until 15000 from 2004 to 2008 .
In addition
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
 number around 12000 applicants and
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 increases to 25000 between 2004 to 2008 .
Russia
Use synonyms
 has the lowest percentage lower than 5000 during four years
Linking Words
As well as
Rephrase
Also
show examples
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 has a low proportion which starts with 6000 applicators and
end
Change the verb form
ends
show examples
 up with 10000 applicators
To conclude
Linking Words
 ,
according to
Linking Words
 the chart highest
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of applicators are
Use synonyms
Change preposition
in china
show examples
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
then
Linking Words
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
thirdly
Linking Words
 ,
Japan
Use synonyms
 And
lastly
Linking Words
,
Russia
Use synonyms
 .
Russia
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 were the lowest
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
 and
USA
Use synonyms
 which
Add a missing verb
had they
show examples
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
highest numbers.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words russia, usa, japan, china with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduce" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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