IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that activities during the free time should be planned while others disagree. Discuss both sides and include examples and relevant data from your own experience

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Introduction
There is an ongoing debate about
wether
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 during the free time should be planned or disagree. Some people believe that
activities
Use synonyms
 during
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 free time should be planned ,
while
Linking Words
 others think that
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 not be planned.
Body paragraph 1
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and give my own opinion.
Body paragraph 2
Some people prefer
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 during
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 free time. They argue that should be planned because that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them to
be organize
Change the verb form
be organized
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, when I was
plan for
Wrong verb form
planning
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 with my sister we did more of them like swimming, playing football and
draw
Wrong verb form
drawing
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, it helps us to
discovered
Change the verb
discover
show examples
 different
activities
Use synonyms
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 us relax ,
happy
Correct word choice
and happy
show examples
 we
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 mood
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
when
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
try
Change the verb form
trying
show examples
 something new like
played
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 football or anything you wii feel different emotions but it is good
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
when you
out
Add a missing verb
are out
show examples
 of
mood
Correct article usage
the mood
show examples
 there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 specific
activities
Use synonyms
 you like it to do
bacause
Correct your spelling
because
 you know a lot of it .
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , people believe that
activities
Use synonyms
 during . They argue that should not be planned because they
like
Add the particle
like to
show examples
 do anything not specific exercise.
For example
Linking Words
 , my brother
like
Replace the word
likes
show examples
 football but he
heat
Verb problem
has
show examples
 planned for it so he
did
Wrong verb form
does
show examples
 it anytime, he
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way
bacaus
Correct your spelling
because
 he
think
Change the verb form
thinks
show examples
 it
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 fun to do
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
 you like
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with out
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
 any plan it
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 just take break
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 everything .
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 he
feeling
Wrong verb form
feels
show examples
 happy and comfortable .
Conclusion
In my opinion , I disagree that should
Change the verb form
be planned
show examples
planned
Wrong verb form
plan
show examples
 to do exercise
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
something
Add a missing verb
are something
show examples
 you prefer and like it
Add a missing verb
is somthing
show examples
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
 you do when you feel bad
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 us to be better , the only thing I can do without
planninig
Correct your spelling
planning
.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to create a clearer structure in your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is supported by examples or reasoning.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each sentence is complete and clear. Some sentences were fragmented or lacked proper structure, which can confuse the reader.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your points. In some cases, your examples were vague and could be more detailed to illustrate your ideas effectively.
task achievement
You have made an effort to present both sides of the argument, which is important for this type of task.
task achievement
Your personal experiences add a nice touch to your argument, making it relatable and engaging for the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • free time
  • planned activities
  • unplanned activities
  • time management
  • spontaneous enjoyment
  • efficiency
  • balance
  • flexibility
  • anecdotal evidence
  • scheduling
  • unstructured
  • unexpected joy
  • stress relief
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