IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In
modern
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the modern
show examples
 era,
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 unignored trend is
people
Use synonyms
 from remote
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
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 are willing to move to urban
cities
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, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 a consequence of
decreasing
Correct article usage
the decreasing
show examples
 population of
countryside
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the countryside
show examples
. From my perspective, it is a negative and terrible development.
Initially
Linking Words
, rural
people
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 move to modern
cities
Use synonyms
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 a sign of chasing a better life, and
also
Linking Words
 contribute to
development
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the development
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 of
cities
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. Many companies now are in demand of huge
number
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numbers
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 of employees, so
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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come
Correct pronoun usage
who come
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 from remote
site
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sites
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 can fill the job
vacancy
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vacancies
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, more
people
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 rush into
cities
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 for lives
in
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to
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 some extent
acccelerate
Correct your spelling
accelerate
 the mobility of money. They have to purchase
stuffs
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stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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 for daily use and dress, which make consumption soar and stimulate the
economic
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economy
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.
Finally
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, the GDP will rise dramatically and the
economic
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economy
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 will be more active.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 trend will
cause
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
result
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 food
lacking
Verb problem
apply
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due to
Linking Words
 less labour
contribute
Wrong verb form
contributing
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 to
cultivate
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cultivating
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 crops in the countryside.
The agriculture
Correct article usage
Agriculture
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 may suffer
a
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an
show examples
 enormous punch, and the feed on
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 regional
people
Use synonyms
 will generate
a
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an
show examples
 issue named
starving
Replace the word
starvation
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. More
siginificantly
Correct your spelling
significantly
, rural
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
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 are dying owing to
people
Use synonyms
flow
Wrong verb form
flowing
show examples
 into downtown in terms of culture. Original
village
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villages
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 are demolished and the old customs
are gradually forgot
Change the verb form
are gradually forgotten
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, some
people
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 who come from rural
aren
Correct your spelling
areas
 affected by city
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
, behaving
different
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differently
show examples
 from where they live. Now in China,
newly
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new
show examples
 city
resident
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residents
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 totally
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 know about the original accent and
tradtions
Correct your spelling
traditions
, destroying the unique village culture. In conclusion, once the regional culture and less food
emerges
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emerge
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, it almost never
switch
Change the verb form
switches
show examples
 off.
In other words
Linking Words
, the negative development of moving to
cities
Use synonyms
weigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
weighs
show examples
 the
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer. It states your opinion but lacks a precise thesis statement outlining the main reasons for your view.
task achievement
You could strengthen your arguments by providing more detailed examples and explanations to support your points fully.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check for spelling and grammatical errors, as they can distract readers from your arguments. For instance, 'unignored' and 'accclerate' need correction.
coherence and cohesion
Stay consistent with your terminology. For example, use either 'countryside' or 'rural areas' throughout the essay.
task achievement
You successfully highlighted both the positive and negative aspects of rural-to-urban migration, which adds depth to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your position on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
The essay structure is generally clear, with an introduction, body, and conclusion that make it easy to follow the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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