IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think it is the responsibility for government to ensure the people have healthy lifestyle. Other think people should have a free for their own lifestyle decision. Discusse both view and give your opinion.

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It is extremely important for any individual to function optimistically,
retrospectically
Correct your spelling
retrospectively
 it depends on the lifestyle
choice
Use synonyms
 that's been made
determines
Correct word choice
and determines
show examples
 the present condition. Some may argue that it is only
Correct article usage
the goverment's
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goverment's
Correct your spelling
government's
 responsibility
while
Linking Words
 a few of them agree that it's an adult's own
choice
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses both the points and draws a personal conclusion as well in the end. First of all, Any
governement
Correct your spelling
government
 in the world should consider their
peoples
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people's
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 health a top priority that includes providing optimal healthcare and enlightening
individual
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individuals
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 to prevent any harmful diseases by introducing basic nutrition
alog
Correct your spelling
along
 with physical education as a part of their community programmes. example: every Adult has to go through an online program in their language of
choice
Use synonyms
 on nutrition for wider reach to identify optimal food habits,
such
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 as
identify
Wrong verb form
identifying
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variety
Add an article
a variety
the variety
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 of foods, reading and understanding labels and their effects which can eliminate the excess usage of sugar which is the root cause for most of the diseases.
secondly
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, More community centres with various types of sporting activities
besides
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 gym equipment and cycling tracks
needs
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need
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 to be introduced that can aid in participation by large
number
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numbers
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. A survey
find
Wrong verb form
found
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 that people above 60 can be fit and healthy if only they
would have
Wrong verb form
had
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excersied
Correct your spelling
exercised
 in their
40's
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40s
show examples
 and
50's
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50s
show examples
. Third of all, It is
also
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 an individual
choice
Use synonyms
 to be healthy as no one can make them work out against their will, in
this
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case
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case,
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 government can only provide facilities,
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However
Add the comma(s)
However,
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 it's an individual who needs to act
accordingly
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 with a
conscicous
Correct your spelling
conscious
 attitude towards their health which is a direct
refclection
Correct your spelling
reflection
 of their daily activities and food choices. In my opinion, It is a Combined
responibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of the individual and
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
, both of them
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a great role to play in educating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals to form a healthy society which can often
leads
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lead
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 to
greater
Add an article
a greater
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 society with stronger immunity
helps
Correct word choice
and helps
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 in
reduction
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the reduction
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 of hospitalization thereby reducing the allocation of funding.

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task achievement
Ensure your ideas are well-developed and clearly articulated throughout your essay. Some points need more elaboration for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words to enhance coherence.
general
Pay attention to grammar and spelling mistakes, as they can detract from the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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