IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries the widespread use of internet has given people more freedom to work or study at home instead of traveling to work or college. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

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Recently, the prevalence of
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
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 has significantly enhanced the variety of options for people to work and study.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that its benefits outweigh the drawbacks, I believe having
such
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viewpoint
Correct article usage
a viewpoint
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 is biased and we should carefully consider
this
Linking Words
 social reform. The most outstanding advantage of the application of the internet is that it leverages the physical barriers, providing each individual with more conveniences. Students or employees no longer need to worry about
laboriousily
Correct your spelling
laboriously
laborious
 spending time on daily
commute
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commutes
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 to schools or offices, as
this
Linking Words
 is taken over by digital collaborative platforms.
In other words
Linking Words
, they can actively participate in
the
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apply
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learning activities or group conferences without being hindered by their locations. In
addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
 to
this
Linking Words
, the time for travelling can be re-utilised for team meetings online, enhancing the level of working effectiveness which ultimately brings more benefits to the company. There
has
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have
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 been numerous cases of companies that effectively adopt
such
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mixed
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a mixed
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 working model, especially during the pandemic times where global medical companies work
virtuely
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virtually
 together to invent vaccines and medicine to combat the prevailing virus.
Nevertheless
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, there are some inevitable drawbacks
of
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to
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 online schools and work.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 it is a comfortable means of working, employees may feel left out
due to
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 the lack of face-to-face communication which exposes
negative
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a negative
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 influence on their performances.
Furthermore
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, with
the
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apply
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digital homeschooling, soft skills
such
Linking Words
 as discipline, teamwork and socializing cannot be taught.
For instance
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,
while
Linking Words
on
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in
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zoom
Capitalize word
Zoom
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meeting
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meetings
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 employees or students are not
much
Rephrase
as
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 interactive
which
Correct word choice
as
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 they can be
,
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apply
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when they are having
a face to face
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face-to-face
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 communication. Conclusively, I believe,
even
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that even
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 though people have the independence of online education and
job
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jobs
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at
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in
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 the comfort of their
home
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homes
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, the drawbacks namely, a decline in productivity
due to
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absence
Correct article usage
the absence
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 of team spirit and
lack
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a lack
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 of
overall
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 personality development of a child
due to
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 inadequate social skills overshadows the advantages.
Hence
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, the traditional method of going to college and office
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 irreplaceable and it would be more beneficial to opt for a more balanced approach.

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task achievement
Try to present a clearer stance in the introduction. While you mention a belief that the viewpoint is biased, it would be stronger to state explicitly whether you think the advantages do outweigh the disadvantages or not.
coherence
Ensure that your points are clearly linked to the thesis. For instance, your advantages and disadvantages could be tied more specifically back to the main question about whether these outweigh each other.
coherence
In your conclusion, it would strengthen your argument to briefly restate the core reasons for your stance. Rather than simply stating that one side overshadows the other, emphasize why specifically, connecting back to the points made earlier in your essay.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, which is commendable in addressing the prompt.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the pandemic scenario, adds relevance to your arguments and enhances the credibility of your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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