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Writing Samples
Band 6

In The line graph shows the percentage of travels by 4 different transports in one country between 1985 and 2015

In The line graph shows the percentage of travels by 4 different transports in one country between 1985 and 2015
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The line graph outlines
usage
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the usage
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 of 4 different modes of transport, which are
car
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, bus, rail and others, in one country from 1985 to 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
proportion
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 of
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car
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cars
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 remained stable
as
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at
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 the highest of all during the whole
period
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. The usage of
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car
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cars
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 increased slightly from 1985 to 2000, which was 90%. Even though the
proportion
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 of
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car
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cars
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 dropped slowly till
end
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the end
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 of the
period
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, it still remained
as
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apply
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the highest of all other
transports
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transport
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, which was 70%. The percentage of
bus
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buses
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 witnessed a downward trend.
In
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At
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 the beginning of the
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period
Add a comma
period,
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 it was about 55%, but in
2000s
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the 2000s
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 it dropped to 12%. In 2015, the
proportion
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 of
bus
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buses
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 levelled off below 10%. The percentage of rail was 20% in 1985. Despite
of
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apply
show examples
variations, the usage of rail
keep
Verb problem
remained
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 unchanged
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the
period
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. The
proportion
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 of other transports showed
Correct article usage
a slightly
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slightly changed
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slight change
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 during the whole
period
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words car, proportion, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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