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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below show the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. (Anelya1) Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant

The chart below show the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. (Anelya1) Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant
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The pie charts display the proportion of sodium, saturated fat and added
sugar
Use synonyms
 in consumed meals, which
harmful
Add a missing verb
are harmful
show examples
 for
organism
Fix the agreement mistake
organisms
show examples
 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
huge
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
, and
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 eaten during the day in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, sodium and saturated fat are consumed increasingly higher
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
percentage of dinner and lunch
while
Linking Words
sugar
Use synonyms
 is added more mainly in snacks. In
Linking Words
additionally
Replace the word
addition
show examples
, it is evident that all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
three types of nutrients have almost
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar percentage at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
breakfast time. When looking at the data more closely,
it is clear that
Linking Words
fraction
Correct article usage
the fraction
show examples
 of sodium and saturated fat is close to similar. Both of them, which
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 consumed at dinner time, have the number 43% and 37%.
By
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 the less share of nutrients, which have comparable
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 as 14% and 16%, consumed in both pie charts at the morning meal.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
fraction
Add an article
a fraction
the fraction
show examples
 of added
sugar
Use synonyms
 looks
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
differently
Change the word
different
show examples
 than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
before
Rephrase
above
show examples
 explained charts.
The portion
Correct article usage
Portion
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
42%
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
consuming
Wrong verb form
consumed
show examples
 as a snack, meanwhile the smallest percentage is 16% at breakfast like other food components.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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