IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to do part-time jobs. What's the situation like in your country? What do yout think are the advantages and disvanatges of doing part-time job

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There is no denying the fact that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teenagers
Add a missing verb
are adviced
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adviced
Correct your spelling
advised
advice
 by their
family
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families
show examples
 to
work
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in
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apply
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part-
time
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 jobs.
While
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 it is commonly held believe
that is
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waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of
teenagers`s
Remove the s
teenagers'
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time
Use synonyms
due to
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 the high
compatitive
Correct your spelling
competitive
competition
 in school and university which can affect their performance, there is
also
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 an argument opposes that working
in
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at
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young
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a young
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 age may help to
sharp
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sharpen
show examples
 your skills.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my
opinon
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opinion
. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
part-
Correct article usage
a part-time
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time
Use synonyms
 job has numerous
benifints
Correct your spelling
benefits
such
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 as
time
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managment
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management
 and how to deal with
diffrenet indivduals whcih
Correct your spelling
different individuals which
 may improve
critical
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the critical
show examples
 thinking and
awarnace
Correct your spelling
awareness
 of the worker.
In other words
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, young
individual
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individuals
show examples
 during their
work
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 facing a
diffrenet
Correct your spelling
different
 mind of people and
attitude
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attitudes
show examples
 and with
time
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 they will become capable
to understand
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of understanding
show examples
 people.
for example
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, in 1999, a research study was published related to
compare
Wrong verb form
comparing
show examples
 two groups of adult
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
, researchers found that
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
how
Correct word choice
who
show examples
work
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 during teenagers have unique communication skills compared to
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.
on the other hand
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 , working
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
part-
Add an article
the part-time
a part-time
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time
Use synonyms
 job has many drawbacks related to dealing with rude
coustomers
Correct your spelling
customers
 and
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
show examples
 behaviour of
Add an article
a co-worker
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co-worker
Fix the agreement mistake
co-workers
show examples
, it is
also
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 possible to say that, the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 may affect
Correct article usage
the teenager`s
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teenager`s
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teenagers'
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mentility
Correct your spelling
mentality
 because the people who
work
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 with him for a long
time
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.
For instance
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, with all respect most of the workers who
work
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 in
resturents
Correct your spelling
restaurants
restaurant
 or
coffe
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coffee
 shops have a low level of education and unplanned future
plan
Fix the agreement mistake
plans
show examples
. In conclusion, there is no easy to
answers
Wrong verb form
answer
show examples
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that it is not a good idea to let our sons and daughters
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
while
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 they can invest their
time
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 to improve other skills to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 in
thire
Correct your spelling
their
 academic
carrer
Correct your spelling
careers
.

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task achievement
Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction to make it clearer what your position is regarding part-time jobs for teenagers.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid spelling errors, such as 'benifints', 'advised', and 'coustomers', which can distract the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the linking of your paragraphs to ensure a smooth flow of ideas, using cohesive devices more effectively.
task achievement
You present arguments for both sides of the issue, demonstrating an understanding of the complexity of the topic, which is commendable.
task achievement
Your example of the research study adds credibility to your argument about the benefits of part-time work.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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