The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

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These days, advancement in technology has been in favour of several improvements in medicine. Despite the fact that plenty of treatments have emerged recently to treat some diseases, a large segment of them will continue to severely impact people.
To begin
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with, individuals are expected to be healthier in the future
due to
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continuous discoveries made in the medical sector. New technologies are regularly implemented in order to provide the most adequate treatment to patients by treating some diseases previously known as incurable. In fact, researchers are constantly looking for technologies for totally eradicating the disease, or in some cases, finding alternatives to reduce the
likehood
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likelihood
of death.
For example
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, in the past, an increasing number of people were affected by viruses
such
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as cholera or tuberculosis. Nowadays,
this
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trend begins to decline thanks to the application of vaccines which enables healthcare professionals to prevent certain viruses.
Hence
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, in the future, with many other medications to be discovered, individuals will be more likely to have a
higher
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longer
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lifespan.
Nevertheless
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, the
overall
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community's health does not only rely on medical improvements. It
also
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depends on external factors
such
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as
pollution
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. In recent times,
pollution
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stands
Verb problem
has
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for a serious issue as it has more than doubled since
last
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century with the industrialisation of machines.
This
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results in the release of toxic gases,
such
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as monoxide of carbon harmful
for
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to
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health, that lead to awful and irreversible
damages
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damage
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in
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to
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organisms.
Consequently
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, as people tend to be more exposed to
such
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dangerous substances, they are more likely to develop a chronic condition. In conclusion, humans could be expected to be less sick thanks to the development of a higher quality of healthcare in the future.
However
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,
non-negligeable
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non-negligible
factors like exposition to
pollution
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have a significant impact on organisms and can trigger many health problems.
Although
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the
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apply
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pollution
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remains a meaningful problem in today's society, I believe that
the
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apply
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scientific advancements will be more improved and specialised to ensure
the
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apply
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society's
well being
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well-being
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.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on the implications of lower health standards in the conclusion and providing a stronger final thought. It will enhance the final impact of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use transitional phrases more frequently to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will make your argumentation clearer and more seamless.
task achievement
You effectively addressed both sides of the argument, showcasing a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is organized well, with clear topic sentences leading each paragraph, which aids in understanding your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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