IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that only employees who have worked at a company for a long time deserve to be promoted to a higher position. What is your opinion about this?

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In today's world, some people believe that the longer an employee works in a
company
Use synonyms
, the more entitled they are to promotions or leadership roles. I ardently support
this
Linking Words
 notion and will share my personal opinion on
this
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 matter.
First
Correct article usage
The first
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 and Foremost reason is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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the
emplyoee
Correct your spelling
employee
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 with the
company
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from
Change preposition
for
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 so long and mostly
known
Wrong verb form
knows
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 about all the projects going
within
Change preposition
on within
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 the
company
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 which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 the flow of work very smooth as
person
Correct article usage
the person
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in-
Correct your spelling
in
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 charge knows everything ,
moreover
Linking Words
 , in case some of
clients
Add an article
the clients
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 are in touch in with the emplyoee from so long so they are comfortable giving their project to
company
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.
For instance
Linking Words
 , in my
Use synonyms
company
Add a comma
company,
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 Lucid-Corp one of the
sale-representative
Correct your spelling
sales representatives
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 is with the
lucid
Capitalize word
Lucid
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 from the time of its establishment and knows about all the sales
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
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 going so far .
Additionly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, all the clients are in contact with the
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 -representative and trust the
company
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 regarding the products as they have been in contact with the representative
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 so long.
Secondly
Linking Words
 , promoting the
long- term
Correct your spelling
long-term
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emplyoee
Correct your spelling
employee
employees
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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loyalty , as it rewards
the
Correct article usage
apply
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commitment which
in
Change preposition
as
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result
Correct article usage
a result
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 ,
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 the
company
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 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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hard-working employees. To exemplify , the sales representative mentioned earlier deserves a promotion because they are a hardworking and loyal employee in the
company
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." In conclusion , I believe that
emplyoees
Correct your spelling
employees
 who invested their time in the growth of
Use synonyms
company
Correct article usage
the company
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deserves
Correct subject-verb agreement
deserve
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 promotions as they have been with the
company
Use synonyms
 for a long time which
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 valuable experience and trust, both internally and externally.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on refining your introduction to make it clearer and more engaging. A strong opening statement can set the tone for your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that all arguments are well-developed. Providing more detailed analysis can strengthen your points.
language accuracy
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors. Errors can distract from your message and may impact clarity.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples from personal experience which help to support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your stance on the issue, reinforcing your key ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • tenure
  • employee loyalty
  • turnover
  • commitment
  • fresh perspectives
  • innovative ideas
  • complacent
  • performance-based
  • leadership skills
  • merit
  • potential
What to do next:
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