IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that globalization is harming people more, rather than doing good. However, some others argue for the opposite. Do the advantages of globalization outweigh disadvantages?

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It has become a debatable concern whether the
increament
Correct your spelling
increase
 of
the
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apply
show examples
globalization makes detrimental effects on homo sapiens or not.
This
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 essay will elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 reasons why benefits have
edge
Correct article usage
an edge
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 over the drawbacks of the global
expension
Correct your spelling
expansion
. First and foremost,
Thare
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there
 are
number
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a number
the number
show examples
 of mechanisms
contribute
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that contribute
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 to internationalization
such
Linking Words
 as technology,trade , travel end communication etc. for assisting
the
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apply
show examples
human beings in
term
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terms
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 of exploring job opportunities and
aquairing
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acquiring
 cross-cultural knowledge through interaction with
people
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 from other
nation
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nations
show examples
. To make it more clear, when large corporations expand their branches across the
world
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 , local communities take the
apportunity
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opportunity
for having
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to have
show examples
 work which leads them to be employed.
For
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example
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example,
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 KFC
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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an American fast food chain and reknowed for
it
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its
show examples
 fried chicken has increased its units in more than 150 nations. Despite being an American
comapny
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company
, natives of the
regions
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region
show examples
 are preferred for working in the
restaurtants
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restaurants
restaurant
.
Consequently
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,
the
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apply
show examples
 global integration made
possible
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it possible
show examples
working
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to work
show examples
under
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in
show examples
 non-native industries for
humankinds
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humankind
humankind's
efffectively
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effectively
. Apart from
it
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this
show examples
,
while
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 working in multinational companies or interacting
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people
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with people
show examples
though
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through
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 technology or in person,
people
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 tend to
grap
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grab
grasp
 the
oversea
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overseas
show examples
 cultural and social values
from
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of
show examples
 other
country's
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countries'
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 public.
Therefore
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, cultural diversity
lead
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leads
show examples
 to
growing
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growth
show examples
 among all the
people
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. To epitome it , native workers and customers get to know
that
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apply
show examples
what is more
preffered
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preferred
 food from Americans when a store of KFC
placed
Add a missing verb
is placed
show examples
 in
Asian
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the Asian
show examples
world
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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,television and
and
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apply
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computers
shows
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show
show examples
 every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 to
indiduals
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individuals
 in
the
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a
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 fraction of the
seconds
Fix the agreement mistake
second
show examples
by
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with
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 single
clicking
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click
show examples
.
However
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, One Negative aspect can be measured
though
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
Use synonyms
world wide
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worldwide
show examples
connection
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connections
show examples
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is
demolition
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the demolition
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 of the local traditions , being
informative
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informed
show examples
 about other country's
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
,
people
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 are curious to
adapt
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adopt
show examples
 those things and feel the same as native-borns which can be the major cause of decrement of the country's own cultural values.
For instance
Linking Words
 ,
the
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apply
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jeans and
the
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apply
show examples
western dresses are popular
worldwidely
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worldwide
while
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 these dress
sense
Change the determiner
senses
show examples
 belong to the
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 cultural marely.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 every human has
Correct article usage
a curage
show examples
curage
Correct your spelling
courage
 to wear them and even though how beautiful their own cultural
desses
Correct your spelling
dresses
 are. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a few
drawback
Change to a plural noun
drawbacks
show examples
behind
Change preposition
to
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 the
Globle-expension
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global expansion
, More
possitive
Correct your spelling
positive
 effects can be
considerd
Correct your spelling
considered
 for the betterment of mankind.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly define your position in the introduction and summarize your key points in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs and ensure each point builds on the last. Use linking words to guide the reader through your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation, as well as spelling errors, which can distract the reader from your message.
Task Achievement
You have included relevant examples such as KFC to illustrate your points, which is great for supporting your arguments and enhancing understanding.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective on globalization, which is commendable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural exchange
  • international trade
  • economic growth
  • advanced technology
  • innovations
  • standards of living
  • loss of cultural identity
  • dominant global cultures
  • widening gap
  • developed and developing countries
  • environmental degradation
  • industrial activities
  • local ecosystems
What to do next:
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