IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people leave the countryside and their villages and move to the city. Give the reasons for this trend and give problems it may cause.

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In todays world, A ton of individuals move out of the countryside and their homes to the
city
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. The
city
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 is a wonderful people would like to try for themselves. As to why there are several reasons for
this
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 trend and dwindling problems it might cause,
This
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 will be provided in
this
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 essay. There are multiple reason why someone will leave the countryside and move to the outside life. First is, A new experience or start over is in the thought of numerous lives. Many individuals would like the idea of a bright life, with a greener land, a brand new horizon and a new society.
Second,
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A wonderful future for their children. A great number of opportunities someone may be provided within the
city
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such
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 as,Job opportunites, Better universities and much more.
Finally
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, An amazing adventure in life. Some would like to go out and explore stuff they could'nt in their lifetime like Events, Theme parks, and Restraunts.
While
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 there are advantages to it, There are a couple of problems into moving to the
city
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.
First,
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Fitting in might serve as a problem. New culture can set you off to differ from others and connecting with others,
One
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 need to be used to the new norm or culture.
Second,
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Danger is a huge factor to moving. Cities have higher rate of being prone to danger.
One
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 has to take care of his own and avoid danger when moving to cities.
Finally
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, Some might be influenced to doing bad. Moving to cities may cause
one
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 to be easily influenced
due to
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 being new and prone to easy influence. In Summary, There are numerous reasons for its trend
such
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 as Experience, Future, and Adventure. But there are precautions
one
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 should take in though including Norms, Culture and Influence.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You gave reasons and problems, but some points are very general.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. Start each paragraph with one clear point.
task response
Add simple examples to support your ideas, such as jobs, schools, or high living costs in cities.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly with basic words like first, also, because, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with sentences that are hard to follow. Keep them short and direct.
task response
You answered the question and wrote about both reasons and problems.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used clear topic areas such as new life, children’s future, and danger in cities.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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