IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

the diagrame shows how instant noodles are manufactured

The figure illustrates the
process
Use synonyms
 of
noodles
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 manufactured.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
noodles
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process
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 comprised of 8 steps.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they
storage
Replace the word
stored
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 the flour in silos
then
Linking Words
, they mixed
up
Correct pronoun usage
it up
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 with water and oil after that, the dough sheets continued
there
Correct your spelling
their
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 way through
roller
Correct article usage
the roller
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 until it reaches the knife that divide the dough into strips shape. Later, they reshaped the dough into discs and
cook
Wrong verb form
cooked
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 them using oil
then
Linking Words
dry
Wrong verb form
dried
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 those
noodles
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 discs by only using the roller to move them into
this
Linking Words
process
Use synonyms
. The
noodles
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 factories use special
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of cups made for them to contain their
noodles
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they added dried vegetables and spices.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the labelling
process
Use synonyms
 and sealing of the
Use synonyms
noodles
Fix the agreement mistake
noodle
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 cups
contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
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 information about the factory
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 made
Linking Words
this noodle
Fix the agreement mistake
these noodles
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, calories and the ingredients of the
noodles
Use synonyms
 cup.
To conclude
Linking Words
, Nowadays, the
noodles
Use synonyms
 manufactured
became
Wrong verb form
have become
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 popular
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 is not healthy to eat them every day or consider them in
Correct article usage
a personal's
show examples
personal's
Change noun form
personal
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 diet.

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Task Achievement
Your essay provides a general overview of the process, but it would benefit from more detailed descriptions of each step in the manufacturing process. Try to use clearer transitions between steps to improve the flow of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider breaking your ideas into more distinct paragraphs. For example, have separate paragraphs for the introduction, the main steps of the process, and the conclusion. This will improve the logical structure and make it easier for the reader to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve your use of linking words and phrases to enhance coherence. Phrases such as 'after that,' 'next,' or 'finally' can help readers follow the sequence of steps more effectively.
Task Achievement
You have accurately identified the main steps in the instant noodle manufacturing process, which shows a good understanding of the task.
Task Achievement
Your use of specific terms related to the manufacturing process indicates your subject knowledge, which is a positive aspect of your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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