IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some say that people living in high-rise apartments are lonely and unhappy, while others say that it’s advantageous to stay in high-rise apartments. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that it is unhappy to live in high-rise
apartments
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 because it gives a sense of loneliness,
while
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others
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 believe that living in
such
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 accommodations offers a lot of benefits.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and explain why I prefer to stay in a high-rise apartment. On the one hand,
people
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 say that staying in an apartment that has many floors makes them feel unhappy and lonely
due to
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 fewer human interactions. Unlike living in urban areas or flat houses,
people
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 tend to live privately in their spaces. Neighbours are not close enough to share things
such
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 as food or gifts;
therefore
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, individuals who live in high-rise
apartments
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 can feel disconnected.
However
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,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 level of interaction depends on
people
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's preferences and personalities. If they seek
for knowing
Change preposition
to know
show examples
others
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,
this
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 concern is not valid.
On the other hand
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,
others
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 think that staying in high-rise
apartments
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 has many positive sides.
Firstly
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, many high-rise buildings are located in city centres, resulting in more convenient to commute. They are usually surrounded by many modes of transportation so
people
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 can travel to their destinations easier.
Secondly
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, they provide more facilities
such
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 as gyms, common rooms, or even shared kitchens. By using these facilities,
people
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 can interact with their neighbours and get a sense of community.
For example
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, many
apartments
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 organize free events in their common spaces to attract residents and encourage them to party together, giving them a sense of community. In conclusion, some
critic
Fix the agreement mistake
critics
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 that living in high-rise
apartments
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 is
dissatisfied
Wrong verb form
dissatisfying
show examples
 and lonely because residents normally live in their own rooms without participating in shared activities. I firmly agree with
others
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 who believe that there are many advantages to
live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
 in
such
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 spaces. Not only
facilities
Correct article usage
the facilities
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 those
apartments
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 offer, but
also
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 their decent locations enhance
people
Use synonyms
's quality of life.

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task achievement
Your introduction effectively presents the topic and your opinion. However, rephrasing the thesis statement to emphasize your stance more clearly could enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure to maintain a logical flow by clearly linking your points with cohesive devices. For instance, more transitional phrases can help smooth the transition between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, consider rephrasing 'some critic' to 'some critics' for grammatical accuracy. Additionally, summarizing the key points you discussed would strengthen the final paragraph.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views, showcasing good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, particularly about facilities and community events in high-rise apartments, which support your arguments well.
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