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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagrams shows the changes that have taken pace at west park secondary school since its open in 1950

The diagrams shows the changes that have taken pace at west park secondary school since its open in 1950
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The diagrams provide information about
West
Correct article usage
the West
show examples
park
Capitalize word
Park
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 and the changes that
done
Verb problem
were made
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it between 1950 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the diagrams that the
school
Use synonyms
undergo
Wrong verb form
has undergone
show examples
 60
years
Use synonyms
 of
developed
Replace the word
development
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the majority of changes
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 in the first 30
years
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 left
side
Use synonyms
 in 1950 there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 a lot of houses and farmland was adjacent
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 houses.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
withe
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
 time the houses
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 replaced
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
car
Add an article
the car
a car
show examples
 park and
sinence
Correct your spelling
science
since
 block in 1980
also
Linking Words
, in the same period they
redvelop
Correct your spelling
redeveloped
 the
farmalnd
Correct your spelling
farmland
 to
sports
Add an article
the sports
show examples
 field.
Withe
Use synonyms
 the
years
Use synonyms
 the car park has
reprecent
Correct your spelling
represent
represented
 75% of the left
side
Use synonyms
 because, the
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 field has merged
Use synonyms
withe
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
side
Use synonyms
 and, the science
block
Add the auxiliary verb
block has
show examples
 been in the same place. On
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 other
side
Use synonyms
, the main building
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 was located beside the road
also
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 dose not
changed
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
 for the all period. In the back of
Use synonyms
Add an article
the school
show examples
school
Add a comma
school,
show examples
 the playground was situated and,
does
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not have any development in the first 30
years
Use synonyms
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2010
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 field gone the right
side
Use synonyms
 and merged
Use synonyms
withe
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
 the playground
taked
Correct your spelling
taking
 25% of
playground
Correct article usage
the playground
show examples
 size.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school, years, side, withe with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagrams" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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