IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, there has been scarce of professionals like plumbers, carpenters, and technicians as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university degrees are given more emphasis. There is an increasing trend in regards to joining college and gaining
a
Change the article
an
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 esteemed degree but at the same
time
Add a comma
time,
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 some pupils should be encouraged to attain vocational
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
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 to meet the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 qualified
workers
Use synonyms
. I agree with the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
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 statement and believe that technical education should be given equal emphasis.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Vocational education is
also
Linking Words
 a part of academics whereby they learn theory as well
gain
Correct word choice
as gain
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hands on
Add a hyphen
hands-on
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 experience during their learning period.
This
Linking Words
 will help them professionally as they gain mastery with repeated practice via trial and error. Since there is
global
Correct article usage
a global
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scarce
Replace the word
scarcity
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 of
workers
Use synonyms
 in terms
plumbers
Change preposition
of plumbers
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, technicians,
carpenters
Correct word choice
and carpenters
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, taking
such
Linking Words
 academic
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 will allow them to explore and excel in
this
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 field as there will be
little
Correct quantifier usage
few
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 competitors and
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moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
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 they will be getting job placements instantly facilitating them financially.
Furthermore
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, these days
such
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 professions are one of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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highly rewarding
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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due to
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lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of skilled
workers
Use synonyms
.
Although
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 a university degree is equally important to gain global recognition, there should in fact be a provision
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 integrating
such
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 skilled
work related
Add a hyphen
work-related
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 courses in
academic
Add an article
the academic
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 curriculum from
secondary
Correct article usage
the secondary
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 level itself.
For instance
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, few schools from the eastern parts of Nepal
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 integrated vocational courses like sewing, plumbing, painting, and
artworks
Fix the agreement mistake
artwork
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 in their summer and winter vacations.
And
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 has helped students
in earning
Wrong verb form
earn
show examples
while
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 they are learning
along with
Linking Words
 meeting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
societal demands.
Moreover
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, learning practically impactful skills will
also
Linking Words
 increase the drive towards learning. In summation, taking and learning vocational courses will definitely help an individual excel and explore
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that field and
also
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gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
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 financial freedom.
This
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 will not only increase the number of quality skilled
workers
Use synonyms
 but
also
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improves
Correct subject-verb agreement
improve
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 the attitude towards learning.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to reinforce your position unequivocally.
coherence and cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to enhance the flow between ideas. A few well-placed connecting words can strengthen links between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points, particularly in the body paragraphs, to enhance the persuasion of your arguments.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing the importance of vocational training and providing reasons for its necessity.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids readability.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • skilled workers
  • vocational training
  • academic study
  • qualified
  • electricians
  • plumbers
  • technicians
  • hands-on experience
  • job market
  • infrastructure
  • economy
  • unemployment rates
  • consumer spending
  • educational paths
  • job satisfaction
  • societal resilience
  • versatile workforce
What to do next:
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