Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, celebrities and influencers are
poplular
Correct your spelling
popular
for their glamour and wealth rather than their contribution to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Some
people
Use synonyms
argue that it trigged negative
influances
Correct your spelling
influences
influence
to younger generation. I firmly agree with
this
Linking Words
statement since the phenomenon
fomulates
Correct your spelling
formulates
formulated
formulate
a wrong social
vlue
Correct your spelling
value
that
people
Use synonyms
can
suceed
Correct your spelling
succeed
without hard work and promote materialism. First and foremost, the allure of celebrities may pose detrimental social value that poisons young
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
mind, as they seem to gain fortune without any dedication. It is
prevalent
Correct word choice
possible
show examples
for a single
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
influencer to make
billion
Correct article usage
a billion
show examples
dollars overnight with just a five
minutes
Fix the agreement mistake
minute
show examples
short video
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
advertisemments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
inside. Young
people
Use synonyms
may gain wrong messages that they can
also
Linking Words
be as famous as those content creators without any
contrbution
Correct your spelling
contribution
;
therefore
Linking Words
, they start imitating these actions
such
Linking Words
as creating silly videos, which depriving their academic
obligation
Fix the agreement mistake
obligations
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, celebrities and
influancers
Correct your spelling
influencers
always live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
extravagant and luxury
lifestyes
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
lifestyle
, which attracts the
younth
Correct your spelling
youth
young
to worship materialism. High-profile influencers’
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
are filled with convertibles, fancy
restuaurants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
, or private planes, leading to
Correct article usage
the disatifaction
show examples
disatifaction
Correct your spelling
dissatisfaction
of young
people
Use synonyms
toward their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
life
. They may
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
low self-esteem or
axiety
Correct your spelling
anxiety
since they cannot meet
Linking Words
this type
Fix the agreement mistake
these types
show examples
unrealistic
Change preposition
of unrealistic
show examples
standards.
Evantually
Correct your spelling
Eventually
, they
bagin
Correct your spelling
begin
value
glmour
Correct your spelling
glamour
and wealth the most but not qualities
such
Linking Words
as kindness, talent, and
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
. In conclusion, I completely agree that the
populatity
Correct your spelling
popularity
of influencers’ fortune and allure only
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
to negative effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
generation, as it offers wrong social value for them to follow and
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
up
comparison
Correct article usage
a comparison
show examples
mindset.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on your ideas with additional supporting details or examples. This will help demonstrate clear, comprehensive ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly relates to the main argument and follows logically from one to the next. This improves overall coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is a strong start.
task achievement
You have identified important issues related to the influence of celebrities on youth, which is relevant to the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: