IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that the increasing use of mobile phones and computers is affecting social relationships negatively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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While
Linking Words
 lots of
people
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 believe that technology affects negatively
on
Change preposition
apply
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social
relationships
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, I think it
have
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has
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 both impacts depending on the uses.
In
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On
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one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, technical improvements are developing
everyday
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every day
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. It
help
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helps
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people
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 to make more
relationships
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from
Change preposition
with
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 other countries through
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Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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.
For example
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, I can easily communicate with
people
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 who are living in Kuwait or Iraq or anywhere and anytime if I have an
internet
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 connection.
Consequently
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, the relations can be stronger than before.
Moreover
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,
contacting
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contact
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 with
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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become
Wrong verb form
becomes
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 easier for business success,
such
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 as buying, selling and or working online.
For instance
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, I can sell my products through
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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, like goods, clothes, and books. So that I can
deals
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deal
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 with different
people
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 and nationalities.
Therefore
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, technical devices can help positively in our
relationships
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.
On the other hand
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,
misusing
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misuse
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 of devices and
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 can lead to many problems impacting social relatives. Some users spend a long time on
the
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apply
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social media
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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led
Wrong verb form
leads
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 to decreased
the
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apply
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real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
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connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
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.
According to
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 studies in
NewYork
Correct your spelling
New York
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 University, 75% of students use technology
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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 for more than 12 hours.
As a result
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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real
relationships
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affect
Wrong verb form
are affected
show examples
 negatively. In conclusion, In my opinion, using technical devices and
internet
Use synonyms
 services can be two sides of the same coin. So
that
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apply
show examples
everyone has to be aware and careful when they deal with mobile phones to maintain their healthy social life.

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Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas and make sure each point is clearly developed with explanations or additional examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure grammatical accuracy, especially with subject-verb agreement and tense consistency. For example, use 'it has' instead of 'it have'.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas more fluidly, such as 'however', 'moreover', and 'for example', to improve the flow of your arguments.
Task Achievement
You have identified both positive and negative aspects of technology's impact on social relationships, which demonstrates balanced thinking.
Task Achievement
Your real-life examples, like communicating with people in other countries, illustrate your points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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