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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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In many
countries
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, it is observed that they lack
students
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 who
study
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science
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 as a major subject. The reason is
students
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 find it hard and difficult to understand
this
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 kind of subject.
Furthermore
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, some
students
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 do not know how to apply
science
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 in real-life situations. So, it will affect significantly on our society, and I will explain
this
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 in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, there are a lot of children who do not like
science
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 because they think
science
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 is a complex theory, consisting of various fields of
study
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such
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 as physics, biology, chemistry, and others.
In particular
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, some
students
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 have their own opinions that they do not want to be scientists and why they need to
study
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science
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.
Furthermore
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, there are many
countries
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 that do not prepare enough jobs for
students
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 who graduated from the school of
science
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. So,
people
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 change their minds to
study
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 other subjects
instead
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.
As a result
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 of
this
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 action, there are only a few
students
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 who choose to learn
science
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.
According to
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 the result, there are numerous effects on society.
To begin
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 with,
science
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 is one of the basic subjects in logical thinking,
people
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 who do not
study
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science
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 will have a hard life and not understand nature because everything around them is
science
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.
Moreover
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, many
countries
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 are short in research and development, making them slower than other
countries
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 that have lots of scientists and human resources.
For example
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, when the company wants to launch a new technology, it needs
people
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 who understand the law of nature so as to produce a realistic product.
Thus
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, they will not make it happen without scientific human resources. In conclusion, the main reason that
people
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 decide not to choose to
study
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science
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 as a key course is because they do not have a certain objective, and do not know how to adapt those knowledge to use in daily life. So, the school and government should encourage and try a new way of teaching because many
countries
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 are going to get in trouble, especially in a rapid world.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly link your ideas and paragraphs. For example, transition words can improve flow and coherence.
task achievement
Try to expand on your points with more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Consider rephrasing your introduction for clarity and to better outline your argument.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the key issues around the lack of interest in science and its societal impacts, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You have made a commendable effort to structure your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math)
  • Perception of difficulty
  • Early exposure
  • Engaging experiences
  • Career opportunities
  • Practical applications
  • Financial constraints
  • Cultural norms
  • Critical fields
  • Innovation
  • Economic development
  • Global competitiveness
  • Public health
  • Environmental issues
  • Scientific progress
  • Educational standards
  • Biodiversity loss
  • Healthcare services
  • Medical research
  • Job prospects
  • Research and technology
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