IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefit of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

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There is no denying the fact that the phenomenon of information technology is ubiquitous across the globe
due to
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 its importance. The majority of folks are in favour of
this
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 statement
due to
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 its numerous merits.
However
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, some of the
people
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 highlight its demerits first. In my
further
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 paragraphs, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of the same will be discussed. Initiating
with
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apply
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the benefits of the same, the first and foremost key pro is that multitudes get quality
time
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 with their family. When
people
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work
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 from home, they have enough
time
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 to spend with their loved ones and eat at a proper
time
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.
For example
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, it is seen that citizens who
work
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 from their own homes have a strong connection with their
family
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families
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 because they spend most of their
time
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 with them. Another advantage that can strike the minds of the
people
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 is saving fuel or energy to travel to
work
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. If individuals
work
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 remotely, they can focus more on
work
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 and achieve good productivity.
As a result
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, it not only helps in the development of their own personality but
also
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 achieves the goal of the company. On its darker side, some of the drawbacks that make it problematic are,
firstly
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, that
people
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 suffer from obesity. As a person
sits
Correct subject-verb agreement
sit
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 for long hours to complete their
work
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 on
time
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 and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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do not do any exercise to make themselves more energetic. It directly or indirectly has an effect on the health of
people
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.
For Instance
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, in a survey, researchers record that multitudes who
work
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 for long hours and sit in one place suffer
several
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from several
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 diseases
such
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 as obesity, heart problems, high blood pressure, and so on, as compared to other workers. The office provides a quiet environment,
whereas
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at
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, at
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 home, there is noise everywhere. So, they are unable to fully focus on their
work
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.
Thus
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, it is not a good trend. In conclusion to the above statements, neither its pros nor its cons can be neglected. It is a mixed bag of positives and negatives. In my opinion, the statement should not be underestimated.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses whether the benefits outweigh the disadvantages, making your position explicit.
coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea with supporting details, and connect your ideas more fluidly with cohesive devices for better flow.
task achievement
Elaborate on examples to enhance your points. For instance, providing specific statistics or studies could reinforce your arguments regarding health issues associated with remote work.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view of both advantages and disadvantages, indicating critical thinking and consideration of multiple perspectives.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • telecommuting
  • remote work
  • flexible hours
  • work-life balance
  • cost-efficiency
  • carbon footprint
  • global talent pool
  • cybersecurity
  • data breaches
  • virtual collaboration
  • isolation
  • team cohesion
  • performance monitoring
  • accountability
  • hybrid working model
What to do next:
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