IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The Pie chart below show the main reasons why agricultural land becomes Iess productivitive. The table shows how these causes affected regions of the world during the 1990s.

The Pie chart below show the main reasons why agricultural land becomes Iess productivitive. The table shows how these causes affected regions of the world during the 1990s.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The diagram illustrates the primary causes
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
decreasing
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agriculture
Replace the word
agricultural
show examples
 productivity .
Overall
Linking Words
, there are 3 main reasons causing
this
Linking Words
 decline
in addition
Linking Words
 to 7% of other secondary reasons . First , over-grazing is the most
cause
Correct word choice
common cause
show examples
 affecting
land
Use synonyms
 degradation .
Moreover
Linking Words
, deforestation with 30% is the second main reason for affecting the
land
Use synonyms
 . Likely , with a near percentage over-cultivation with just 2% under deforestation is the third main cause affecting the
land
Use synonyms
 .
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , there are other unspecific reasons
Linking Words
also
Correct pronoun usage
that also
show examples
 have
Add an article
an affect
show examples
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 on the
land
Use synonyms
 Second , North America is the least continent with total
land
Use synonyms
 degraded . Unlikely Europe is the most with 23% . Oceania
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
 the middle with 13% .
Moreover
Linking Words
, deforestation affected the most in Europe and the least in North America . Likely, over-cultivation took place more in Europe and
none
Rephrase
not
show examples
 in Oceania.
In contrast
Linking Words
, over-grazing took the most
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 in Oceania with 11.3
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words land with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: