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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main futures, and make comparisons where relevant

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main futures, and make comparisons where relevant
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The graph illustrates the percentage of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 who live in cities from 1970 to 2020,
as well as
Linking Words
 the projection from 2030 to 2040, in four different countries in Southeast Asia, Philippines,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
, Thailand and
Indonesia
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the percentage of citizens who live in cities showed a positive trend from the past 50 years,
as well as
Linking Words
 the prediction for the next 20 years, with
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and
Indonesia
Use synonyms
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
show examples
 their
position
Use synonyms
 at the
top ranked
Add a hyphen
top-ranked
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, from the period of 1970 to 2040,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 have the most significant increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 shares compared to
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
twos
Fix the agreement mistake
two
show examples
. Indeed,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 gained around 45% of shares in 2020
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
cementing its
position
Use synonyms
 as the first rank, after
surpassed
Wrong verb form
surpassing
show examples
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 in 2000. Over the next two decades,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
’s
position
Use synonyms
 will remain the same
by having
Verb problem
with
show examples
 80% of its people
who prefer
Wrong verb form
preferring
show examples
 to live in urban. Meanwhile, the city
population
Use synonyms
 in
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 has increased rapidly since 2000, placing it in the second
position
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 in 2020 by
owing
Correct your spelling
owning
show examples
 50% of
downtown
Add an article
the downtown
show examples
population
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, substantially
improved
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 from approximately 12% in 1970.
Thus
Linking Words
, the trend in
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 will
further
Linking Words
 increase to above 50% in 2040.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the urban
population
Use synonyms
 in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 and Thailand were stagnant by having
increment
Add an article
an increment
show examples
 of less than 20% over the past 50 years.
Although
Linking Words
 the trend from those countries
further
Linking Words
 increases in the future, their
population
Use synonyms
’s rank will remain the same.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as, further".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, malaysia, indonesia, position with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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