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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph (figure 2) show the percentage of men and women employed in executive positions in ACME Oil Company from July 1993 to June 1994. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown in the graph.

The graph (figure 2) show the percentage of men and women employed in executive positions in ACME Oil Company from July 1993 to June 1994. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown in the graph.
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The image presents a multiple bar chart which distinguishes between the percentages of men and
women
Use synonyms
 in
executive
Use synonyms
 positions in the ACME Oil Company over the period from July 1993 to June 1994.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 are predominantly represented in the lowest
executive
Use synonyms
 positions, approximately 72%, particularly in Grade E.
This
Linking Words
 is the highest percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 employed in any job category in ACME oil company.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the lowest proportion of men is depicted in
this
Linking Words
 category, which is around 33%.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that, as the officer grades increase, the percentage of
females
Use synonyms
 declines with a simultaneous rise in the proportion of
males
Use synonyms
. The aforementioned trend continues throughout the graph. The smallest difference between the two genders is observed in Grade C, with
women
Use synonyms
 representing 45% and men 55%.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
males
Use synonyms
 dominate the highest
executive
Use synonyms
 role, namely Grade A. Here,
females
Use synonyms
 represent 8%,
whereas
Linking Words
males
Use synonyms
 show a markedly high percentage of 92%. In conclusion, the figure clearly demonstrates that
males
Use synonyms
 occupy a higher proportion of
executive
Use synonyms
 posts compared to
females
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, to change the trend, it is highly imperative to address the root cause. The ACME Oil Company must examine the reasons behind the high prevalence of
females
Use synonyms
 in lower-status posts and identify the barriers preventing them from achieving higher-grade roles.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, executive, females, males with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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