IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Celebrities are the
persons
Replace the word
people
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 who
got
Wrong verb form
get
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 mass recorganisation by gaining perfection in their
proffesion
Correct your spelling
profession
, Unlike every human being they need
a
Correct article usage
apply
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personal space but
their
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there
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 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time
Use synonyms
 they
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 all
this
Linking Words
 to get
attention
Add an article
the attention
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 of more and more people. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 we will discuss both
prospectives
Replace the word
prospects
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 and give our opinion. On the one hand,
is
Correct your spelling
it
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 is very essential for a famous personality to be in
news
Correct article usage
the news
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 to maintain their celebrity status. Camerapersons not only
helping
Wrong verb form
help
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 them to be
in
Change preposition
on
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covers
Correct article usage
the covers
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,
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apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 to get more and more viewers and fans for them.
Also
Linking Words
, when the cameras follow them their followers get to know about their interests and hobbies .
For example
Linking Words
, Cristiano Renaldo once promoted drinking water
instead
Linking Words
 of soft
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
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. Positive words of any
celebritiy
Correct your spelling
celebrity
ancuragge
Correct your spelling
encourage
 a mass toward good deeds.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
femous
Correct your spelling
famous
 and rich
Replace the word
people
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persons
Add a comma
persons,
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 they deserve some privacy from clicks. By keeping in mind the safety of
individual
Add an article
the individual
an individual
show examples
 and their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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camers
Correct your spelling
cameras
carers
 should avoid capturing their home, routine etc.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are
Use synonyms
time to
Add a hyphen
time-to-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 events
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
organised in which the media is freely allowed to click them and even
intract
Correct your spelling
interact
 with them so, there is no need to enter
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their private life.
Lastely
Correct your spelling
Lastly
, It would be in good interest if
mediapersons
Correct your spelling
media persons
media-persons
know
Wrong verb form
knew
show examples
 their boundaries
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 celebrities deserve to spend their
time
Use synonyms
alobe
Correct your spelling
alone
 and with family without any coverage.

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Grammar and Spelling
Make sure to proofread your essay for spelling and grammatical errors and ensure correct word forms are used (e.g., 'recognition', 'profession', 'there', 'celebrities', 'individual', 'because').
Content Development
Expand on your points with clearer arguments and examples. For instance, provide more detail on how media can impact celebrities positively and negatively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Create more logical transitions between your ideas to enhance coherence, such as using linking phrases or better topic sentences.
Task Response
You clearly stated your opinion and intention to discuss both sides of the argument, which is a good approach to addressing the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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