IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information , such as their hobbies and interests , and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful . Others disagree Discuss both views and give your own opnion

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In modern recruitment processes,
employers
Use synonyms
 increasingly request personal details from candidates,
such
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 as
hobbies
Use synonyms
, marital status, or family background.
While
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 some argue
this
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 may be relevant and useful, I believe
such
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 practices risk privacy violations and unfair bias. On one hand, some individuals claim personal information helps
employers
Use synonyms
 identify suitable candidates.
For instance
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,
hobbies
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 reflecting teamwork might indicate compatibility with collaborative workplaces.
Similarly
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,
employers
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 may assume married individuals are less likely to job-hop, ensuring long-term commitment.
Additionally
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, educational aspirations mentioned in interviews might align with a company’s training programs, allowing targeted talent development.
On the other hand
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, these perceived advantages often mask significant issues.
Firstly
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, personal details like marital status or
hobbies
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 are irrelevant to professional competence. A candidate’s ability to perform tasks depends on skills and experience, not family obligations or leisure preferences.
Secondly
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,
such
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 inquiries may foster discrimination.
For example
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,
employers
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 might subconsciously
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 married candidates over singles, assuming they are more responsible. Judging
hobbies
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 unrelated to job roles could lead to biased hiring decisions, overlooking truly qualified applicants. In conclusion,
while
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 collecting personal data might offer superficial insights, it prioritizes subjective assumptions over objective qualifications.

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task achievement
Expand on your examples to provide more depth and clarity, and make sure each main point is fully developed.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a seamless flow between paragraphs and ideas for improved clarity and connection.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a solid introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Arguments are well-articulated and present a balanced view on both sides.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employers
  • candidates
  • hobbies
  • interests
  • relevant
  • useful
  • marital status
  • cultural fit
  • team player
  • commitment
  • flexibility
  • discrimination
  • qualifications
  • experience
  • biases
  • hiring practices
  • dedicated
  • responsibilities
  • professional qualifications
  • fairness
What to do next:
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