IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.

The young
people
Use synonyms
 suggested to get a
job
Use synonyms
experience
Use synonyms
 for a few years during
school
Use synonyms
 and/or
university
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 there are some disadvantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 entering the
work
Use synonyms
 environment
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 early, but still those
Use synonyms
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 will
be
Rephrase
still be
show examples
 more helpful for their next career path. The main disadvantage
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 entering the
work
Use synonyms
 environment few years between
school
Use synonyms
 and
university
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
time
Use synonyms
 to study. Having a
job
Use synonyms
 means
people
Use synonyms
 have a responsibility for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real
work
Use synonyms
 that
impacted
Wrong verb form
impacts
show examples
 to organization or company. Different from
school
Use synonyms
,
responsibility
Correct article usage
the responsibility
show examples
 that
people
Use synonyms
 have at
work
Use synonyms
 is impacted
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 other
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, so
people
Use synonyms
 should make sure all things
done
Add the auxiliary verb
are done
show examples
 perfectly.
This
Linking Words
 needs some focus from
people
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and creates
hard
Correct article usage
a hard
show examples
time
Use synonyms
to divide
Change the verb form
dividing
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 between
school
Use synonyms
 and
work
Use synonyms
. For
highschooler
Correct your spelling
high schoolers
show examples
 and
university
Use synonyms
 student,
this
Linking Words
 will disturb their
time
Use synonyms
 to study because
their
Change the pronoun
they
show examples
 allocate their
time
Use synonyms
 mainly
focus
Fix the infinitive
to focus
show examples
 on
work
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 having a
job
Use synonyms
 before
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduating
show examples
 is
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
 already have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
experience
Use synonyms
 earlier.
This
Linking Words
 will be
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 plus point from
Company’s
Correct article usage
the Company’s
show examples
 human resources if
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
 trying to get a
job
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 means that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
worked
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
, so the employer
can’t hardly
Rewrite the sentence
can hardly
can’t
show examples
 explain
them
Change preposition
to them
show examples
 about
Use synonyms
work
Add an article
the work
show examples
 environment and
work
Use synonyms
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
. It will be
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
easier for them to get a
job
Use synonyms
 and
expanding
Wrong verb form
expand
show examples
 their career path. The other reason is from the financial perspective. The young
people
Use synonyms
 will be more independent if they
work
Use synonyms
 earlier
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they already can create their own money for their everyday
necessity
Fix the agreement mistake
necessities
show examples
 or even only for entertainment.
This
Linking Words
experience
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 give them perspective about
value
Add an article
the value
show examples
 of money. All in all,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think having a
job
Use synonyms
 earlier is more
advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
, especially if we see it from
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 opportunity and financial perspective for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, because the main responsibility of the young
people
Use synonyms
 - especially
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 are still in
school
Use synonyms
 and
university
Use synonyms
, is studying, they should see the
diadvantage
Correct your spelling
disadvantage
advantage
 of
this
Linking Words
 earlier
job
Use synonyms
 is ready to divide
time
Use synonyms
 between
school
Use synonyms
 and
work
Use synonyms
, because
this
Linking Words
 will lead to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
time
Use synonyms
 for study.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states both sides of the argument (advantages and disadvantages) and provides a clear thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use more varied sentence structures and linking words to improve the flow of your essay, which will enhance coherence.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate your points and support your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
The essay presents both advantages and disadvantages, addressing the topic appropriately.
task achievement
You demonstrate awareness of the need for young people to balance work and study, which is a relevant consideration.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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