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Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that
educate
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educating
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
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 or
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
home
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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advantages
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 and disadvantages .
Body paragraph 1
The essay will
disscuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 the
advantages
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 of teaching
children
Use synonyms
 in
school
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 and
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home
Change preposition
at home
show examples
 and the disadvantages.
Body paragraph 2
To begin
Linking Words
 with , there are too many
advantages
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 for
children
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 to study in
school
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.
Body paragraph 3
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
child
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 can communicate with the other
children
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 and play with them. In
other
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another word
other words
show examples
word
Add a comma
word,
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 the
child
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learn
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learns
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 to not be an introvert.
Body paragraph 4
In addition
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,as we
humen
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humans
 like to
comunicate
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communicate
 with each other as the
reserchers
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researchers
 say the
child
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 will be more motivated if her or his friend
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
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 higher
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the exam better
then
Linking Words
 him .
Body paragraph 5
In terms of the disadvantages
also
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 can be
comunicate
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communicating
 with
other
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others
show examples
,
its
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it's
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also
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 possible to say that childrean if the reject someone they
dont
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don't
 want to communicate with him or her they
begen
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begin
began
 bullying
at
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apply
show examples
the
child
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 and that can
effect
Verb problem
cause
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alot
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a lot
 of harm
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
child
Use synonyms
 .
Body paragraph 6
Correct your spelling
Moreover
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More over
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Moreover
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, it
also
Linking Words
 teaching the
child
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home
Use synonyms
 can make him less person to share
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anything
show examples
any thing
Correct your spelling
anything
show examples
 with him
for instance
Linking Words
, if the
child
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 were in
school
Use synonyms
 he could learn how to share with his
friend
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friends
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as food or a video game that he
like
Change the verb form
likes
show examples
Body paragraph 7
In conclusion, there are too many
advantages
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 of
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child
Add an article
a child
the child
show examples
 learning at the
school
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 some of it
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
meantion
Correct your spelling
mention
 and some it
dont
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doesn't
 occur to me now.
Conclusion
It
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
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 true,
there
Correct word choice
that there
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 disadvantage of
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
 learning at
home
Use synonyms
 that
effect
Verb problem
affects
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 mental health.

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task achievement
Improve clarity by ensuring that each point is well-explained and articulated. Some arguments feel underdeveloped and need more elaboration.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow of ideas to ensure that related points follow smoothly from one to the other. Consider using linking words to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your main points and reaffirms them in the conclusion. A well-defined structure raises clarity.
content
You introduce relevant points about socialization and academic motivation.
content
Your intention to discuss both advantages and disadvantages shows a balanced approach to the topic which is commendable.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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