IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You recently bought a children’s toy online but when it arrived it was damaged. Write a letter to the manager of the toy shop. In your letter: • describe what the problem with the toy is • suggest how the damage may have happened • say what you would like the manager to do

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 message in order to complain about my
unsatisfied
Replace the word
unsatisfactory
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 experience with your
toy’s
Change noun form
toy
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 company. Unfortunately, I
am
Wrong verb form
was
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 really shocked when my son's toy
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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arrived in a very damaged way. I thought I could fix it by myself, but I could not because I discovered that the battery input
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 destroyed completely.
Therefore
Linking Words
, we could not get use of the toy at all.
This
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 is a series problem that must be taken
in
Change preposition
into
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 consideration, as a cheap battery can
bombed
Wrong verb form
bomb
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 easily
in
Change preposition
into
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kid’s
Correct article usage
a kid’s
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 hand and
results
Correct subject-verb agreement
result
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to
Change preposition
in
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 many health problems.
Also
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 , I kindly suggest
to check
Change the verb form
checking
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 the status of any toy in
very
Add an article
a very
the very
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 proper way before starting the selling
proccess
Correct your spelling
process
. I kindly request a refund of the purchase order cost as soon as possible. If you need any
further
Linking Words
 information you may contact me on my phone number : 0373826 Thank you for understanding regards, Nouf mut,

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coherence and cohesion
Try to structure your letter more clearly with distinct paragraphs for each idea. For example, describe the problem in one paragraph, suggest how it might have happened in another, and state what you want the manager to do in a third paragraph. This will help improve the logical flow of your letter.
task achievement
Use a more formal tone throughout the letter. Phrases like 'I thought I could fix it by myself' can be replaced with 'I attempted to repair it.' This would enhance the professionalism of your complaint.
task achievement
You clearly described the problem with the toy and how it affected its use, which is critical for letting the manager understand your complaint.
task achievement
Your request for a refund is explicit, which helps to clarify your expectations from the toy shop.
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