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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of their fear of crime. Some people believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime, but others feel that little can be done. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In recent years, there has been an ongoing debate about taking more steps to prevent illegal activities as individuals are afraid to stay away from their houses.
However
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, some proponents oppose that there is no need to initiate more crime prevention actions. I believe that the issue of the growing number of offences can not be tackled with excessive rules. On the one hand, those who support that more steps should be taken in order to reduce crime rates argue that the higher authorities should
inforce
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enforce
 stricter laws, punishments, and higher
amount
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amounts
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 of penalties
this
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 can make offenders afraid of
voilating
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violating
 the laws and
commiting
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committing
commit
 unlawful acts.
Moreover
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, the government should conduct community programs in different sectors of the nation especially in schools and workplaces to spread awareness and
for teaching
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teach
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 self-defence techniques for personal safety in unlawful cases.
On the other hand
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, opponents claim that it is a waste of time and money to do
such
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 affords to prevent crimes.
Although
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,
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apply
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 laws and punishments are essential in a country
instead
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 of
this
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 the government had better invest in supporting
facilites
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facilities
 for
underpriviledged
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underprivileged
 society.
For instance
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, they can establish more educational institutes to provide education and knowledge so that individuals can have better career opportunities
as well as
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 by providing financial support.
Also
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, the higher
coorporations
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corporations
 must hire employees with skills and knowledge not only on the basis of their degree in
such
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 a way poor people will be engaged in jobs rather than
commiting
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committing
 illegal acts for earning.
This
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 will lead to a crime-free and developed nation. In conclusion, I personally believe that helping citizens who rely on robbery and picking pockets
for earning
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to earn
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 in developing countries is far better than establishing new rules.
This
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 will not only grow the country's
overall
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 economy but
also
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 result in low offence rates.
Therefore
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,
while
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 both sides have valid arguments, I feel that the government, residents and organisations all should work together to prevent
further
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 illegal actions.

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task achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly outlines the essay structure and arguments to be discussed, which gives readers a roadmap.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied transitional phrases to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This enhances coherence.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay clearly discusses both sides of the argument, which is essential for addressing the prompt effectively.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes your stance and suggests a collaborative approach to crime prevention, demonstrating critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • - Deterrent: something that discourages or is intended to discourage someone from doing something.
  • - Vigilant: keeping careful watch for possible danger or difficulties.
  • - Surveillance: close observation, especially of a suspected spy or criminal.
  • - Community-oriented programs: initiatives that target specific issues within a community.
  • - High-crime areas: neighborhoods or regions where crime rates are significantly elevated.
  • - Social inequality: the existence of unequal opportunities and rewards for different social positions within a society.
  • - Law enforcement: government officials responsible for maintaining public order and enforcing laws.
  • - Cynicism: an inclination to believe that people are motivated purely by self-interest; skepticism.
  • - Pessimism: a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.
  • - Bureaucratic hurdles: obstacles related to the procedures and regulations in bureaucracies that create inefficiencies.
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