In many countries women are allowed to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first month after the birth of their baby. Does advantage outweigh disadvantages?

In
this
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fast-paced technology, every individual is contributing to the economy whether it's men or female.
Women
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are enjoying the same privileges as men do. They are taking part in every field to make themselves independent. In several countries,
mother
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the mother
a mother
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can get off from their workplace on the first month of delivery. That, what we call is
maternity
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leave. Despite a few potential drawbacks of
this
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trend, it predominately has more benefits. There are numerous advantages of giving opportunities to
women
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like
maternity
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leave in their crucial time. They will not suffer from financial crises.
This
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leave will help to manage all the expenses
besides
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not working and give them security.
Moreover
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, they can take care of their health and baby by taking a proper diet without thinking about money.
In addition
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to
this
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,our economy is
also
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in the hands of the coming generation. Giving proper care to the
child
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will made their future better. The starting stage is very sensitive for the mother and
child
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as
mother's
Correct article usage
the mother's
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presence will give them proper nourishment and protect them from health diseases.
On the other hand
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,
women
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should be given opportunities like
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work
Wrong verb form
working
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from home during their
maternity
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leave.
This
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would solely make them active in their
work
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field but
also
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made
Wrong verb form
make
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them believe in going
further
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irrespective of having of
child
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. Mostly
women
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forget about themselves and their dreams once they have a baby. In conclusion,
maternity
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leave is a good way to keep the best employees in the company.
On the other hand
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,
this
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leave can
also
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put them into delusion whether to go to
work
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or stay home with the
child
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.
This
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ultimately made them lose their interest in
work
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.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction sets the stage for the essay but could be clearer in stating your opinion on whether advantages outweigh disadvantages. Try to articulate a stronger thesis statement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure you have a clear structure by using paragraphs effectively. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence and logically flow into supporting details. Consider separating your advantages and disadvantages into distinct paragraphs for better clarity.
Task Achievement
To enhance your argument, incorporate more specific examples or data to back your points, particularly within the advantages of maternity leave. This will make your arguments more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and ensure proper punctuation is used. For instance, sentences like 'This leave will help to manage all the expenses besides not working and give them security.' could be rephrased for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
Task Achievement
You have made a commendable effort to address both the advantages and disadvantages of maternity leave, which showcases a balanced viewpoint.
Task Achievement
Your essay reflects an understanding of the importance of maternity leave for women, touching on health and economic aspects, which is relevant to the topic.

Your opinion

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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