IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What is your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this?

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Nowaday
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Nowadays
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 a growing number of
individuals
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 exist weight over the world.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the causes and effects related to
this
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 topic. One of the main causes of obesity is unhealthy eating habits. Many
individuals
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 consume excessive amounts of fast
food
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, which is high in sugar,
fatty
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and fatty
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 acids and lacks essential nutrients. The rise of fast
food
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 trains has led to a growing dependence on these convenient, yet unhealthy,
food
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 options.
Additionally
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, the lack of proper nourishment from balanced meals contributes to the problem. Another significant factor is the lack of physical
activities
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activity
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. A sedentary lifestyle has become more common, especially among office workers who spend long hours sitting at
desk
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desks
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, using technological devices and ordering
food
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 online. They often have limited time to engage in physical exercises,
further
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 promoting weight gain. The effects of obesity are wide-ranging and have serious implications for both
individuals
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 and society. One of the most significant consequences is the increase in health problems, including heart disease, diabetes, and high blood pressure. These conditions not only reduce the quality of life but can
also
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 lead to premature death if not managed properly.
Furthermore
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, the
health care
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healthcare
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 system is burdened by the ever-increasing cost of treatment. The reason is that the increasing demands of the people require the best treatment results, leading to the need for the best medical methods and equipment. Many people can’t pay that fee. In conclusion, the primary causes of obesity are unhealthy eating habits and a sedentary lifestyle, leading to an increase in health problems and placing financial burdens on both
individuals
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 and society.

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Task Response
The introduction could be more engaging and clearly state the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some sentences can be restructured for clarity and fluency, especially where there are long clauses that make it difficult to follow the main point.
Task Response
Consider adding specific examples or statistics about obesity rates or health impacts to strengthen the argument.
Task Response
The essay successfully identifies key causes and effects of obesity, demonstrating a good understanding of the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs outlining causes and effects, and a succinct conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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