IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that individuals are more and more dependent on each other. Others, however, believe that individuals are becoming more and more independent. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There has been much discussion on whether
people
Use synonyms
 are more dependent than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
people
Use synonyms
 are more independent, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
Use synonyms
 don'
t
Use synonyms
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
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 it. In my opinion, nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 are more
focus
Replace the word
focused
show examples
 on
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 life. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both views. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 more focus
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
 individual privacy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
today. Following
the
Correct article usage
apply
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urbanization, the residents who live in
city
Add an article
the city
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are prefer
Change the verb form
prefer
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 to live in
apartment
Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
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, because they want
to
Change preposition
apply
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a space
only
Correct pronoun usage
that only
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belong
Correct subject-verb agreement
belongs
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 to themselves.
People
Use synonyms
live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
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 in an apartment don'
t
Use synonyms
 need to
tough
Verb problem
talk
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 with their
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
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,
expect
Correct your spelling
except
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 they meet at
elevator
Correct article usage
the elevator
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 or lobby.
However
Linking Words
, in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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,
people
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 always live in a house, and they need to keep a good relationship with other
people
Use synonyms
 who live in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 same area, to improve their life quality and help each other when they
needed
Wrong verb form
need
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.
In addition
Linking Words
,
along with
Linking Words
 the development of technology,
people
Use synonyms
more
Add a missing verb
are more
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 like to keep
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
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 with their friends or families
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online. They don'
t
Use synonyms
 need a
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
meet
Change the form of the verb
meeting
show examples
, and
also
Linking Words
 can conversation with
others
Use synonyms
. And the chatting time and frequency only depend
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 themselves. It
also
Linking Words
make
Change the verb form
makes
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people
Use synonyms
 more and more independent.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 think they are more dependent because they can get in touch with
others
Use synonyms
 more frequently. In the past, if they
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
show examples
 to communicate with
others
Use synonyms
 who
don'
Wrong verb form
didn't
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t
Use synonyms
 live close
, they
Rephrase
by, they
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 only
can
Verb problem
apply
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send letters.
In today
Change preposition
Today
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, the problem
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been
solve
Change the verb form
solving
solved
show examples
 by social media and
chatting
Replace the word
chat
show examples
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
's development more rely on their family than
the
Change preposition
in the
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 past.
For example
Linking Words
, if students get support from family, they can have more options after
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduating
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 from university. They can apply to foreign
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
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 for
further
Linking Words
 study
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 can start a business, even only
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 at home and
don'
Verb problem
not
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t
Use synonyms
need
Wrong verb form
needing
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 to work. That's
choose can'
Verb problem
why choosing not to live
show examples
t
Use synonyms
 leave
with
Change preposition
without
show examples
 family financial support,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
make
people
Use synonyms
 more dependent
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
others
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 social development
change
Change the verb form
changes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them more dependent.
However
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
 think
people
Use synonyms
 are more and more independent with growing individual consciousness.

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language
Make sure to use correct grammatical forms and expressions. For example, 'the others don't agree it' could be phrased as 'the others disagree.'
language
Ensure consistency in verb forms (e.g., 'people more focus' should be 'people focus more').
content
Clarify points to enhance argument quality. For instance, elaborating on how and why technology fosters independence could make a more compelling argument.
coherence
Improve the logical flow of ideas by using linking phrases. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily and strengthen coherence.
coherence
A clearer distinction between both sides of the argument in terms of dependence and independence would enhance the balance of the essay.
content
You present both sides of the argument effectively and share your opinion, which is essential for this type of essay.
content
Your essay included relevant examples to illustrate your points, helping to clarify your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
What to do next:
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