IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that animal experimentation on animals is bad and needs to be outlawed. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

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A group of people believes that science
experiment
Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
show examples
 on
animals
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 cruel and
should
Verb problem
apply
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should be banned.
However
Linking Words
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
also
Linking Words
 another group that believes
this
Linking Words
 is justifiable because of its benefits. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is the only
way
Use synonyms
 to
test
Use synonyms
 most of the science projects and can be justified as long as it is done responsibly.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some important discoveries
such
Linking Words
 as new medicines and
vaccine
Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
show examples
 are important for human life. There is no safe
way
Use synonyms
 for
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 to decide that those medications are safe to use without proper testing. To make sure those
innovation
Change the determiner
innovations
show examples
 are useful and safe, they must be tested on some
animals
Use synonyms
 which are genetically similar to humans, which is a safer
way
Use synonyms
 to
test
Use synonyms
 their effectiveness.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
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 often
test
Use synonyms
 a new medicine on pigs and rats to understand the effect of certain chemical substances,
thus
Linking Words
helps
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
 them to understand any potential harm and benefits.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, I think there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 no other
way
Use synonyms
 to
test
Use synonyms
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of experiments and discoveries which can depict the effects of
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
certain procedures and medications on
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 some animal rights
activist
Fix the agreement mistake
activists
show examples
 might argue that we can do the
test
Use synonyms
 on a computer simulations, it can not really depict the risk of
those invention
Change the determiner
that invention
those inventions
show examples
 realistically,
therefore
Linking Words
, using
animals
Use synonyms
 as a
test
Use synonyms
 bed can be justified because of the greater benefits it offers. Our only challenge is to control
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 can perform the experiment in a morally-justified
way
Use synonyms
 possible. All in all,
Linking Words
although
Change preposition
despite
show examples
 some disagreement from animal rights
activist
Fix the agreement mistake
activists
show examples
, the benefit of testing drugs and many other inventions on
animals
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 important to keep human society safe from
unintended
Correct article usage
the unintended
show examples
 effects of those new medications.

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task achievement
Your thesis statement is clear, but you could strengthen it by outlining the main points of your argument in the introduction. This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the overall flow of your essay by using more linking words and phrases. This can help to connect your ideas better and make the essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Consider giving a more balanced view by acknowledging that while animal testing has benefits, it also raises important ethical considerations that should not be ignored. This could enhance the depth of your argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, such as the use of pigs and rats in testing medications, which supports your argument effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main argument well, reinforcing your position on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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