Some people believe that professional workers such as Doctors and Teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent Do you Agree or Disagree?

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Some
people
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argue that
,
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apply
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senior workers
such
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as
doctors
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and
teachers
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should take more salary than athletes and entertainment professionals. To some extent, I agree with
this
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view, but there are other aspects to take into account. One key reason for prioritizing
doctors
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and
teachers
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is that
,
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their contributions are essential to the foundation and future of society.
That is
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to say, dedicated
doctors
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can treat thousands of patients, improving
life
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expectancy and quality of
life
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,
while
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educators shape future generations through learning critical thinking or
help
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helping
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them to find better
carrier
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career
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path
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paths
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in the future.
As a result
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, their dedication builds more stronger community which is healthier and educated. if it were not be
doctors
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,
the
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apply
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life
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would not be beautiful with many healthy and clever nations.
However
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, another idea against
this
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is that not all
people
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are to become
doctors
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.
In other words
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, athletes and social personalities should be paid equally as
doctors
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and
teachers
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. Because
,
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apply
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their job
also
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helps individuals escape from daily
depressions
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depression
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and services as rehabilitation for
majority
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the majority
a majority
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.
For example
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, when
people
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go to watch
important
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an important
the important
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football match, they can easily forget their daily issues which helps to mitigate stress.
Consequently
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, more and more individuals are influenced by athletes and
an
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apply
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entertainment figures which
give
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gives
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them
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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to dream. Without
such
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professional
life
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could be more fade and repetitive. In conclusion,
although
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,
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doctors
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doctors'
doctor's
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and
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teachers
Change noun form
teachers'
teacher's
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job
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jobs
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so demanding
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while
Correct word choice
when
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it comes to emergency situations or countless
time
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times
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of dedication,
the
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their
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social personalities help
people
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to unwind.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction presents the issue but could benefit from a clearer thesis statement. Try to explicitly state your main argument more clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to use appropriate transition words to connect your ideas smoothly. This will improve the flow of your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure grammatical accuracy. For example, 'if it were not be doctors' should be corrected to 'if there were no doctors'.
Task Achievement
You effectively highlight the significance of doctors and teachers in society, which provides a strong argument for your perspective.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Professional workers
  • Societal contribution
  • Scarcity
  • Market forces
  • Consumer demand
  • Role models
  • Economic impact
  • Revenue generation
  • Fair compensation
  • Social equity
  • Intrinsic rewards
  • Job satisfaction
  • Media rights
  • Merchandise sales
  • Public figures
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