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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many cities, problems related to overpopulation are becoming more common. Some governments are now encouraging businesses and individuals to move out of cities to rural a r e a s . Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Today, an increase in the population of
cities
Use synonyms
 is an ongoing concern for most countries.
Therefore
Linking Words
,some authorities implement a policy to inspire
people
Use synonyms
 and entrepreneurs to live in the countryside.
Although
Linking Words
 residing in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 gives many chances for
work
Use synonyms
 or education,
this
Linking Words
 essay will show that the advantages of moving out of
cities
Use synonyms
 outweigh the disadvantages.Escaping from noisy
cities
Use synonyms
 and
congestion
Use synonyms
 gives a feeling of refreshment. The merits of why
people
Use synonyms
 should move to rural
areas
Use synonyms
 are varied.One of the upsides is a chance to develop these
areas
Use synonyms
along with
Linking Words
 big
cities
Use synonyms
.Even investing in there might lead to financial benefits by attracting many tourists.If entrepreneurs start to set up their businesses and attract
people
Use synonyms
 to small
areas
Use synonyms
,individuals will aspire to live and
work
Use synonyms
 in there as traffic
congestion
Use synonyms
 and noise
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 worry
people
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, every day,
due to
Linking Words
congestion
Use synonyms
 in public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
 thousands of
people
Use synonyms
 try to wake up earlier and arrive at
workplaces
Use synonyms
 or colleges at
exact
Add an article
the exact
an exact
show examples
 time. Another upside is that a decrease in population means fewer transports releasing carbon dioxide emissions which pollute
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and harm flora and fauna.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 live in tranquil and pure nature in small
areas
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,it helps
people
Use synonyms
 to stay healthy physically and mentally.
For example
Linking Words
, recent BBC news shows that
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 of rural regions live longer than those who suffer from traffic,noise and pollution in
cities
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the benefits of moving to rural
areas
Use synonyms
 are many, it has
also
Linking Words
 drawbacks
such
Linking Words
 as the loss of
work
Use synonyms
 and educational opportunities.It is an undeniable fact that
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to live anywhere which has various ranges for
work
Use synonyms
 and education
as well as
Linking Words
 finding suitable and high-paying jobs is easier than
small
Change preposition
in small
show examples
 regions.If authorities want to encourage
people
Use synonyms
, they might build
workplaces
Use synonyms
 and entertainment facilities
such
Linking Words
 as malls or cinemas for young citizens.
For instance
Linking Words
,after Azerbaijan soldiers regained their
areas
Use synonyms
 from enemies, the government started to rebuild destroyed homes and schools
as well as
Linking Words
 build a new university and hotels to evolve
these area
Change the determiner
this area
these areas
show examples
 and attract tourists. In conclusion, these days,
overpopulation
Correct article usage
the overpopulation
show examples
 issue keeps its relevance.The advantages of moving to
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 followed by negative sides
such
Linking Words
 as a lack of
workplaces
Use synonyms
 and entertainment facilities outweigh
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 as being far away from pollution and traffic and living without stress are beneficial for
people
Use synonyms
's health.Countries should pay more attention
such
Linking Words
 as opening
workplaces
Use synonyms
 and setting up businesses , to develop these
areas
Use synonyms
along with
Linking Words
 big
cities
Use synonyms
 and reduce the amount of pollution and
congestion
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Work on providing a clearer definition of the advantages and disadvantages you mention. Ensure that the reader can easily understand the differences between the points.
coherence
Try to enhance the logical flow between paragraphs. Consider using more cohesive devices to guide the reader through your arguments and make the connections between ideas clearer.
task achievement
Provide more concrete examples for your arguments to strengthen your points. Current examples are good, but consider adding more specific details to make them even more relevant.
task achievement
The essay has a clear stance that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which is well-articulated in the introduction.
coherence
Your linking phrases such as 'One of the upsides' help in guiding the reader through your arguments.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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