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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries nowadays consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a postive or negative development? give resons for your answer and include relevant examples?

In recent times, many businesses
try
Wrong verb form
have tried
show examples
 to show their products are new or different in some way.
This
Linking Words
 is often seen in
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
, where
companies
Use synonyms
 focus on the idea of something being modern or just released. There are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 reasons why
this
Linking Words
happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
show examples
, and
this
Linking Words
 trend
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 both good and bad sides. One reason is that
companies
Use synonyms
 want to attract more
people
Use synonyms
 to buy their products. In a market with so many choices, saying that something is new
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 it sound more interesting.
For example
Linking Words
, when Apple release a new iPhone, they always advertise it with new features, even if the changes are not very big.
People
Use synonyms
 still line up to buy it because they think it’s better than the older version.
This
Linking Words
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 how strong the idea of “new” is in
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
 minds.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 kind of advertising can be misleading. Sometimes, the product is not really new, it just
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 small changes like
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
 or packaging.
For example
Linking Words
, some snack
companies
Use synonyms
 say they have a “new taste” but it is almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as before.
This
Linking Words
 can confuse the customers and make them spend money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 nothing new.
Also
Linking Words
, making
people
Use synonyms
 always want the “newest” version can create waste and
over consumption
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
show examples
, which is not good for
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 often throw away working electronics to get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 new model. In conclusion, saying that a product is new can help businesses sell more and attract attention, but it
also
Linking Words
 can cause problems like false advertising and waste. I think it’s important for
companies
Use synonyms
 to be honest and for customers to be more careful when choosing what to buy.

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task achievement
Ensure all ideas are fully developed and supported with clear examples. For instance, elaborate on how misleading advertising impacts consumer behavior or the environment beyond just mentioning confusion.
coherence and cohesion
Work on grammar accuracy. There are a few small errors like 'this happen' (should be 'this happens') and 'make it sound' (should be 'makes it sound').
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the use of linking words and phrases to improve flow. Consider using transitions like 'Furthermore', 'Additionally', or 'On the other hand' to connect ideas better.
task achievement
You've presented a balanced argument discussing both sides of the topic, which is commendable.
task achievement
Your examples, especially the one regarding Apple, are relevant and help illustrate your points effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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